American Idol: Top Two and Drool

In an incredibly predictable finale like this one – viewer’s main suspense lies in what complete disaster of a song will the ‘triumphant’ winner have to sing for their coronation tune. There wasn’t much of a question of the ‘who part’ for the finale, that was pretty much a given after the top ten was decided. I’m thinking that the judge panel need more lessons in acting to pull off a more realistically none manipulated program.

It was apparent to me since almost the beginning that Crystal Bowersox was the obvious choice for winner. Problem started a few weeks back when it became day-glo neon brightly obvious that Lee Dewyze the ‘new’ favorite of Simon Cowell. That and with the American target audience of this show largely of the feminine persuasion, it’s damn hard for one of their own to pull it off anymore.

The Last Two Standing Idols get a sort of WWE entrances with Lee dashing through the crowd hand spanking the audience. Crystal has an unfortunate moment with her entrance but manages to muddle through. That made Point One for Lee on Good Entrance, Crystal, Fail.

We have to endure Lee’s odd parents deliver a glowing biographical moment discussing his childhood aspirations to be a pro baseball player, shortstop in fact. He then mumbled something about somehow ‘knowing’ even back then he was really meant to be a singer.

Crystal’s bio moment had her flashing back to finding, back in her Daddy’s closet, likely behind the latest stash of Sensimilla Red Roze, an old guitar. She was on the prowl for Christmas presents and figured that must be one of them. So began her ‘career’ in music and her singing at Malls. (Oh look, just like Taylor Hicks did in the Phillipines only then he was like, what, thirty?)

I give Crystal the win over Lee in the bio moment because she started in music doing what Taylor got to do after winning Idol and I dug her hippie Dad.

Lee performs the “The Boxer” obviously thinking he was previously quite brilliant at it. It goes much like the first time I heard it, rather mumbling, raspy but infused with spit. Camera shots were very unflattering for him, each pan at his face showed gobs of thick stringy spittle lacing the inside of his mouth like some sort of gooey spider webb. Made me quite nauseous. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything quite like that, in fact. I know I never want to again.

The past couple of weeks Crystal seemed somewhat complacent and not highly motivated to win this show. That or Dad was smuggling her in some of that Red Roze wonder herb before show time. She brought back the Janis Joplin and does “Me and Bobby Magee” in fine form.

First song goes to Crystal Bowersox leaving now with her 2 points and Lee 1, “ding”.

I can’t help wonder why Randy apparently dressed himself in a dark closet for the show. He’s wore a coral colored tuxedo type jacket paired with some sort of paisley fluffy silk shirt. It’s a mad, mad combination that truly needed a red rubber nose attachment. The red clown nose would have at least made his rambling, nonsensical commentary more interesting.

Next spittle face (Lee) tried to kill my ears warbling out his imitation of REM with “Everybody Hurts.” Completely clueless as to what the tune and melody should be, he was quite terrible. Forget any emotion, forget any fucking direction for the song, REM likely laughing their asses off if they heard him. It was a big groaning moment but I was spared having to look at tons of string spit – one good thing about the song. The judges say things, I don’t take notes.

Crystal sang “Black Velvet”, but wore a mistake of a black gown completely wrong for her full figure. The dress was so tight around her thighs she appeared to waddle down those stage stairs, it also made her ass look three feet wide. Her delivery of the song was near to perfect and unlike Lee, she never has copious amounts of spittle in her mouth as she sings. Therefore, score another in the “V” column for Crystal. The guitarist does a fine job, I must add.

Expecting some sort of drivel-riddled song about going so far or unicorns and rainbows, instead Lee is allowed to sing U2’s “Beautiful Day”. You know, the one that our current President used ad nauseum in his campaign for the position he’s failing miserably at in the Oval office.

Someplace out there Bono must have been cringing at the not even good enough for a karaoke performance Lee brought the song. It’s boring and lacking in any emotion. You know, the way Lee usually sings songs…

Kara, the hopefully in her last season as judge, loves it and comments on his ‘commercial voice’. I’m thinking commercial as in an example of how “how not to sing” U2. Forget the other judges, I made no notes here either.

Crystal performs “Up To The Mountain”, a blues-gospel type dirge but better than any of the other season’s pathetic coronation songs anyone has had to sing. (“Do I Make You Proud” comes to mind.) Sadly this tune is more in-step with past coronation songs complete with mountains, valleys and glory notes. That said, Crystal still wins this round.

We get entreatied at this point with some bloke from the U.K., Will Young, whom I guess won that country’s karaoke show with season nine flash backs of contestants I’ve already forgotten. Is that the song we’ve heard all season?

I thought more attention might be provided Cowell, being his last time to judge but I guess tomorrow night’s megathon of suck will have him sharing the limelight with the hapless Idol ‘winner’. He did at least show up wearing a jacket. Still no word on his replacement but I am crossing my fingers for Harry Connick, Jr.

So, as far as I’m thinking, it’s Lee one, Crystal four. American tweens and housewife fans will have the final say so we’ll just have to stay tuned. Dial Idol has Lee handily winning this thing and with the VFTW cotillion promising to cast their votes, it’s a matter of hours until we find out. See you tonight, bring wine and Jack Daniels if you have it.

Under Pressure: Seacrest Coming Out?

Ryan Seacrest may not be ‘coming out’ in the usual way that terminology is used, as in “Hi, I’m not hetero” but he’s certainly coming out of his past-seasons’ slightly more reserved, self. Likely since Paula Abdul’s unconventional, sometimes whacky and erratic, yet oddly endearing behavior is being missed on the show, Ryan seems poised, willing and able to step up and be her replacement.

After last week’s shows the on-line blogs have been buzzing with tales speculating what’s really up with Ryan this year. Is it the fact the show seems headed for derailment, is it Simon Cowell’s impending departure? A combination of the two or something else entirely? Too, Seacrest tossed an insult veiled as a joke at past Idol co-host, Brian Dunkelman, which was out of place and out of the normal character that Seacrest has embraced on the show.

One of the most off the wall moments from last week was Seacrest verbal sparing with guest mentor and last season’s runner up, Adam Lambert. The sticky situation surrounded discussion of Lambert’s ‘famous’ tongue thrusts while singing. Seems the discussion was about talented tongues…

Then while Tim Urban, whom Ryan dubbed “T’Urban” sang “All My Lovin” Seacrest danced in the aisles with another guy… Initially it was believed to be former contestant, Michael Sarver but apparently that was not the case.
“All My Lovin'” Tim Urban

Now I did not see any dancing going on but it is a nice video of Tim Urban providing a more than decent performance.

Apparently too, Seacrest a fan of the T’Urban, having to cop a feel of Timmeh’s fabulous upper arms in a ‘caught on camera’
muscle feel-up.

So, (a.) Is Ryan Seacrest losing his ever loving mind? (b.) Is Seacrest on pharmaceuticals or the magic herbs? (c.) Or is Ryan just so damn bored with this season he’s ‘bringing back the Abdul’ for comedy relief? Is (d.) Seacrest approaching too many careers exhaustion? Or (e.) All of the above. ?

American Idol: Lennon & McCartney

Scrabbling this out on the fly tonight as manana I’ve got an early plane to catch… There is no mentor tonight but Paul McCartney gives a recorded pep talk. It’s lame and I’m completely disappointed in Sir Paul… is he getting old age addled?

Aaron, apparently has some sort of Yoda thing going on that the rest of us at home don’t understand.

He sings “A Long and Winding Road” without changing the tune up at all and quite sincerely, while of course, adding his country twang. He holds a nice long note at the end.
RandytheBoBo says, hooooh here we go; beautiful tone. Sleepy tune, not changed up. He wanted Aaron does Rascal Flatts does the Beatles.
Ellen, blah, blah.
Kara said but for what you’re trying to do, you have to be great. She wants him to move… of course. Poor kid likely has no moves.
Aaron keeps forgetting to use his mike to talk.
Aaron said he stuck to the arrangement because he did not want to alter a great song.

Simon thought it was too old for Aaron said something about Aaron should havea ‘done some research’ (what?).

Imbecile Kara wanted the cha cha version it seemed as she danced it in her seat saying, ‘tempo, tempo’. Idiot.

I thought wee Aaron did a decent yet boring job. The show obviously wants him gone.

These judges make absolutely no sense. I mean this song changed up? No, I don’t think so. Idiots.

Katie Stevens is next, wearing an “I Dream of Jeannie” hairdo. Apparently she wants her prospective dates to show their love by their phone bills. Way to whore out at the tender age of 17, gal. It seems Katie can dance. Woo hoo.

Siobhan’s comments for the other contestants continue to aide her seemingly shy a few crayons in the box of sixteen.

Katie sung “Let It Be” sung exactly like the original version while staring meaningfully(lessly) into the camera. Completely motionless. Of course she stands motionless, I mean right after the viewers were treated to the other contestant’s telling that ‘interesting’ fact that she can dance.
RandytheBoBo Best vocals ever. (Of course since Katie does not change it up at all it’s brilliant.)
Ellen said she changed it up enough… no way to be there (B3) this week.
Kara told her she’s blossoming twice. Like a flower. (Or… ragweed. )
Simon said when in B3 consistently, something wrong. Tonight you got it right. He calls her version ‘country’.

Simon and Kara verbally spar; he tells her she’s out of tune while she screeches the lyrics of “Let It Be”. She was. I did love Simon’s look of utter disdain looking at Kara.

I wasn’t enthralled with Katie.

Andrew Garcia is apparently BFF with Lee. He still wears his Wayne Newton pompadour. He sings “Can’t Buy Me Love” bringing the acoustic guitar along for the strumming. He’s going for energetic but I’m not digging it.
RandytheBoBo corny, pop, all in all okay.
Ellen, first of all you can buy love. Perfect song choice. I loved it.
Kara, I wanna love it I do but I just don’t know if you did anything new.
Her sequined tank top is almost blinding me. Talk about Sparkle Cow.
Simon, goes the Wedding Singer comparison, band overwhelming him and arrangement old-fashioned and irrelevant.

Michael Lynche is compared to the Incredible Hulk by Katie. Casey complains about his snoring. Mike has some sort of odd Ninja screech when greeting people. Gah.

He choses “Eleanor Rigby” then alters it giving it a different beat, soulful treatment. Even TheD likes him. His use of strings and the composition works. His vocals sound quite good.
RandytheBoBo: the parts that worked is great but not all of it worked.

(I say “what”?)

Ellen, you can do anything, you handle everything well. I thought it was incredible, I loved it.
Kara, I thought that was fire.

(TheD is hating her so much said the judging totally detracting from the bit of talent on this year.)

Simon, I did not love it as much as the other three. Musical performance, I don’t think it made you contemporary at all. Backwards step.

(Translation… we need not keep obviously frothing over Big Mike.)

Crystal Bowersox, nicknamed MamaSox because she’s a mom and a nurturing type of individual, according to the others. She’s sick again, seems the Idol camp constantly coming down with something. Crystal selects, “Come Together”, changes it up giving it her best Janis Joplin treatment. A guy with some sort of Australian tuba, a digerydu/digerydoo (?) accompanies her, which is interesting by itself. She gets the nice orange glow light treatment.

The crowd goes wild, RandytheBoBo said not her best but was good.
Ellen, how do you improve on a L and M song? (Meanwhile with Aaron they were at him for not changing a L and M song.)
Kara said she was like a slinky…
Simon, that’s a song, performance I could hear on the radio. It just worked. Being true to yourself.

Crystal hugs Ernie the digerydoo player endearing herself to the masses.

VFTW star, Tim Urban. It seems he really is always smiling. Tim totally hams it up making the folks at VFTW proud, I’d think. He pulls out his electric guitar, playing a ES335. Delivered like Disney boy, Zack Efron would and not completely horrible.
RandytheBoBo Yo Tim, Tim, Tim you’re in your own category. So rating it as a “Tim” performance. Good Tim Performance.
Ellen, second best after “Halleluiah” Paul McCartney look going on and all the girls love you.
Kara, have guitar and feels true. You’re to be commended.
Apparently the media heat affecting the judges.
Simon, I thought you did really well with that song. Sounds very current. Take the criticism like a man.

So are they somehow thinking about kicking Timmeh to the curb? We shall see.
Vote for Timmeh, 1-866-436-5706

Casey James is our playboy. He’s so handsome, they’ve come up with names for him for the ladies, Fabio one of them. Casey has a big laugh that some have referred to him as “Goldilockes”. He does the tune, “Jealous Guy” dressed like John Travolta. Accompanied with acoustic guitar and cello. Decent. In full goat vibratto. Hello Eddie Vedder. He imparts some soul into the song….

I really, really loved it.

RandytheBoBo, I love it, I love it. (He wants to birth his baby.)
Ellen, felt like you were singing it to someone. Best performance to date.
Kara I saw a vulnerability, depth and range. I think you can do more, still. (She’s creaming herself, I think I saw drool.)
Simon, Goldilockes? Best of the night so far. Emotional, very, very impressed with you tonight.

I love him.

Siobhan Magnus the others talk about her weirdness. No big new news. “Across the Universe” in a Fairy Princess outfit. New wig. Floofy. Smiling through the song. Like a musical, where are the dancing children? She gets cool speckled light treatment. Very reined in performance.
RandytheBobo said, I wonder every week – no one screams artist more than you. Tender side. Falsetto high note. A little sleepy. I love your artistry in you.
Ellen, big fan of those who march to beat of different drum. I loved it.
Kara, purely singing, you hit the notes, knew where you are going. She thought it was too slow.
(She knows nothing about artistry.)
Simon, what were you connecting to in that song? I think if someone heard you the first time be confused.

Siobhan said it was the lyrics, her baby sisters, nothing will change. Tears were brilliant.

Then the audience heckler (Earl loves her) gets a moment. Quite random. And a stalker is born…

Lee Dewyze and Andrew GokeyGarcia apparently have a love match going on. Lee does “Hey Jude” in the vein of Dave Matthews or John Meyer only not nearly as good. Our lead singer in our little cover band is better than Lee. I think it’s boring. TheDman called it ‘anticlimatic’ after Siobhan. My kid sitting next to me said, the best thing is the bag pipe guy. I agreed.
RandytheBoBo said, (I dunno, he was a puddle of babble.)
Ellen, confidence – even when that guy got separated from his parade. ( finally E makes a funny )
Kara it’s hot.
(I hate her.)
Simon, I don’t know what you guys are drinking in the house…. instrumentations; it was like he turned up on the wrong show…

(And it did not work.)

Summation, I think the show wants Aaron out… he should be the one to leave this week. Bottom three, Aaron, Tim and Andrew…

That said, my faves of the night, Teflon Timmeh and gorgeous Casey James. Yep.

American Idol: Heroes are Coated in Teflon

I had to rewatch the show again this morning because I was so hysterically transfixed last night from the a.)Clash of the Titans ludicrous opening and b.) VFTW Teflon Tim Urban continuing to smile his charming and lovely grin in the face of adversity.

Seriously talk about product placement and paying the bills, utilizing the upcoming 3-D spectacular (that I will have to see) as a comparison to this season’s contestants on American Idol a study in opposites. Considering this season’s offering of contestants, most of whom lack stage appeal, not much going on in the way of anything of Titan caliber. Granted there are a few contestants that exhibit singing capability and talent but there is nothing “Titan”-like in this season with the exception of Teflon Tim Urban perhaps. It was entertaining to see Simon Cowell being compared to the Kracken. Hey, I’ve got to find entertainment where I can with this season.

Ruben Studdard was there to promote he and Clay Aiken’s upcoming tour for anyone who still remembers them from seven years back. He’s either been Jenny Craig’ed or the suit was just two sizes too large.

The requisite weekly Ford commercial had the contestants “Kung Foo Fighting” with Casey James walking coolly among the kicking, dancing ‘kung foo’ fighters. James then drives off knocking Big Mike Lynche’s ninja guy out of the way. On VFTW this was found ironic considering James’ past history with DUI’s. Clueless go they, the show’s producers.

The contestants are unfortunately provided time to talk about their time on the show and what they’re planning or learning as the weeks progress. Lee Dewyze and Casey James, neither guy could string two words together to create any sort of communicable coherent thoughts much less muster up an entire sentence. “Cupcake”, 16- year old Aaron was embarrassed beyond what should be proper considering he’s a minor, to be caught between Ryan and Simon’s homoerotic banter. To top that awkward sharing, RandytheBobo tries to explain “love” to Cupcake as something akin to how he might feel toward his parents only ‘twisted’. Siobhan’s shot at communication basically amounted to explaining that she IS a human being. Katie seemed to be confident that she’s perfectly safe. I think that Ryan is truly underestimated in the difficulty of his job in making this show interesting. He attempts to engage the judges, but sadly they are not much more verbose than the contestants.

Teen sensation, Justin Beiber is in attendance to show his support for Usher, whom, apparently has been his ‘mentor’ in the music industry. With auto-tuner in full evidence and overused back lighting Usher comes down the Idol steps performing one of the most idiotic songs I’ve ever heard. I think this sort of music and the mindset that thinks this is great entertainment the weapon being utilized in the dumbing down of humanity as a whole. The lyrics, “baby how you do dat make a grown man cry… sexy.. O O O” .

After enduring Usher and Will.I.Am’s turd of a performance viewers were treated again to the eliminations. Didi Benami gets up and babbles incoherently, batting her lashes at Ryan. She gets introduced to the bottom three stools. Michael Lynche who is continuously being mistaken as a muscle bound guy who really is quite fat is called “Tiny Mike” by Ellen. He then gets the teaser of almost walking to the stools, then lifts Ryan end over ass for messing with him. Ryan is quite breathless – I think they both enjoyed that special moment.

Crystal of course was safe, no need to talk about her further. Then it’s Teflon Tim’s turn to be confronted by the judges. Kara decides it’s her role to address Tim and his attitude largely due to his smiling and laughing at her critique of him the night before.

Apparently the only thing Kara can consider is Teflon Tim is too mentally deficient to comprehend what is being said to him. Kara winds up appearing to be the mentally deficient one as she’s at a loss for words following Tim’s response.

This is the main factor that is making me love this guy more as the weeks progress; his ability to keep smiling no matter how badly the judges try to knock it off his face. Teflon Tim’s response to Kara’s ill-mannered question, while maintaining a smile, “I get what you’re saying, every time I step onto that stage, I know it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And why spoil a great opportunity like that by getting depressed?”

This scenario displayed a few things about the show. One, Tim Urban is seemingly one of the only contestants able to string words together to formulate complete and coherent sentences, two, Tim Urban completely comprehends and embraces the power of positive thought, and three, if it wasn’t obvious before, the judges roles are to manipulate and coerce the viewing audience and four, Kara Dioguardi completely is underestimating this guy.

Katie goes back to the contestant herd leaving Didi and Teflon Tim. We’re put on hold as P.Diddy Dirty Money is up next. Yep. That was his name introduction. The dreaded reappearance of the autotuner looms nigh. Little did I know that this next performance would nearly put me into a seizure. Diddy or whatever the hell his name is rips off Kanye West’s “Good Morning” tune with autotuner full out, inappropriate use of sunglasses, prancing about in steam and flashing lights. Some sort of odd statement must have been being made with almost everyone dressed in white except this thick Elvira of a gal wearing all black that he danced with – then it hits. Strobe lights. This beat the Usher tune for complete ridiculousness. Lyrics, “you know, you know, you know… hello good morning”. I must say Kanye West’s Good Morning tune much, much better, but that’s not a ringing endorsement.

After my ears stopped bleeding and my eyes recovered the final results began. Shocker for most people watching, Didi Benami is evicted from the show. She picks “Rhiannon” as it was one of her better performances to sing for the save. She has an interesting sounding voice but she’s a complete niche artist. Her type of vocals don’t translate well into every genre. While she’s singing it’s obvious the judges are not even really talking about her.

So Vote for the Worst darling and one of the only contestants besides Sanjaya Malakar that has consistently smiled in the face of adversity carries on to sing another week. Texas’ own, Teflon Tim Urban, the apparent object of many a tween girl’s affection (think Justin Beiber) slides safely back to the seats to remain to compete next week making him the longest running VFTW pick in the history of that website. One more thing, perhaps Tim Urban not the most technically proficient singer to ever show up on the American Idol stage but he’s certainly one of the most likeable, possibly most intelligent contestants in my recollection.

Tim Urban, original song:

So with that, off and away, Texan Teflon Tim Urban, my hope is that you slide into the Lennon McCartney week to once again succeed with your smiling, positive attitude.

American Idol Holds On: Week Ten

American Idol top ten performed last night, only nine more weeks until the finale of this not so fabulous season nine. Usher was the mentor for R&B week and he did a good job. Naturally he has an album about to be released, there is always a reason for the mentors’ appearance during the season.

Seacrest goofs about Usher’s constant use of sunglasses in the opening which was slightly entertaining. What is it with the wearing of sunglasses so many celebrities do at inappropriate times making them look ridiculous?

Siobhan Magnus’ lisp came out when she met Usher. Apparently she really was ‘wicked nervous’. Usher was kind to her and remarked she has a ‘true shot’ for becoming an incredible artist. I am not sure what thought processes she underwent in regard to her clothing ensemble but it was as disjointed and odd as her vocal performance. It looked like she was wearing a corset with mummy wrappings with some odd laced up boots. She was quite terrible last night, fell off pitch constantly resorting to overdoing her becoming cliche’ scream singing. To say she was difficult to listen to is an understatement.
Siobhan Magnus, “Through the Fire”

The judges all confirm they think she’s got the vocal capability but she was completely off the mark. Simon deemed she ‘killed it’ but meant it as more of a roadkill type of definition.

Casey James was up next, performing “Hold On, I’m Coming” the Sam & Dave & Blues Brothers hit. Again he used his electric guitar which, considering he’s quite good on it, I can’t fault. The fact I’ve a soft spot for guitar players, a given. He looked absolutely gorgeous and I adore his smile and upbeat vibe. I do think he’d benefit by not constantly smiling through each song.

Vocally, Casey sounded very good but, that said, he sticks to the same formula each week. Eventually he’s needing to come out with something brilliant and wild. If, and I mean IF he does that he’ll secure a top spot on the finale. At this point I could see him as making it to number five, if he comes out wildman, easily number three. Rewatching his performance this morning I am smitten with how very physically attractive this guy really is, pardon my fangurl.
Casey James, “Hold on I’m Coming”

RandytheBoBo loved him, Ellen thought he’s being generic, Kara wants him to show it all (I bet she does) and Simon actually liked him. I know I enjoyed him, how can you not?

You can’t actually fault Casey James for doing the same type of performance every week then praise Big Mike Lynche for doing the very same thing. Lynche performed “Ready for Love” a tune by India.Arie
Michael Lynche “Ready for Love”

The back lighting behind his head was odd and almost scary with his ears glowing red. I have to say too, I absolutely hate it when a performer has a guitar and uses it as a prop rather than actually play it. So why have it on? Presentation… for that I call fraud. It’s why you don’t see the instrument much during the performance because the guy’s not playing it.

Randy says he likes the guitar – placing TheBoBo crown back firmly on his head. Kara did not even know the song displaying her true lack of current musicality, Simon claims he can now take him seriously as an artist. Perhaps the wearing of the guitar as a prop was a good ploy afterall. Me, as you might note, I’m just not a big Big Mike fan.

Didi Benami has a meltdown in practice with Usher. She selected “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted” and made herself cry. I think it’s a combination of singing in front of Usher and the fact she’s a bit of a nut. He advises her to basically cry during the song, but instead Didi made everyone listening to her want to cry instead.
Didi Benami “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted”

I think she’s going to be looking for someone to care enough to keep voting for her to stay on the show. Randy thinks she flatlined, Ellen said she loved her (we know) but ‘boo’ed’ herself a sure sign she hated it too, Kara said Didi overdid it and now has changed and sucks, Simon said listening to her was like swimming in jelly… Score one for Simon, unique descriptor of the night. He proceeds on a tangent to knock down other reality shows in the process of critiquing as well, so give him props in setting up his upcoming “X-Factor” show coming soon to American television.

Teflon Tim Urban was confronted by Ryan Seacrest with his new moniker, “Teflon Tim”, and handled it quite well. He’s also showing some spunk and a decent sense of humor. My fondness for Timmeh has grown tremendously after watching this performance. Tim’s meeting with Usher and his reaction to advice was entertaining and quite funny. Urban selected “Sweet Love” by Anita Baker and made it into a performance worthy of something you’d hear and see delivered by a young David Cassidy. I think Tim’s being misunderstood, considering his 1970’s hair, he’s just trapped in the 2000’s, a true child of a bygone era of teen idols past and the early days of Tiger Beat. One thing that can be said about Teflon Tim’s performance, he did remain in tune for most of the song.
Tim Urban “Sweet Love”

I give Tim props for getting RandytheBobo to sing, Ellen acknowledges that she reads VFTW referring to the drinking games. Kara was pathetically overly emotional, ranting and wavy her arms about; Tim laughed at her and I would have too. Simon gives Teflon Tim the nod for the fact that he’s still on the show and may continue to be on the show for quite some time. Tim’s laughing with Ryan about having his smile lambasted made me love him more, talk about smiling in the face of adversity. May the Teflon be with you Tim.

Andrew Garcia gets a big fail right off the bat selecting girlfriend beater, Chris Brown’s “Forever”. The song has a focus on being on a dance floor and what does Garcia do? Sits on a stool and acousti-fies the tune. The show apparently wants to help him out as he gets box bongo, string instruments, etc. Everything about this guy bugs me. His Wayne Newton pompadour, his same singing voice in every song, his huge goggles. I give him a small amount of credit for his voice not being horrible but he can only sing in one style, one way. He’s a one trick pony.
Andrew Garcia “Forever”

RandytheBoBo loved everything, said Andrew was ‘dope’. I mainly think Andrew is a dope. Ellen and Kara, blah blah blah, something was said about ‘walking on the moon’… (what?) Simon called him boring. Andrew’s Mami rushes the stage wearing a zebra yattering in Spanish this staged as an attempt to display something of interest about Andrew.

Katie Stevens displaying even more evidence of a complete lack of knowing what she’s about selects the Aretha Franklin song, “Chain of Fools”; foolish choice on several levels. First, this song has been done a billion times on this show, second, it’s just a bad fit for her, third she looks a bit awkward in performance. Add to this her ensemble was completely horrible. Let me add, I was so uninterested I kept forgetting she was singing.
Snookie Poof Katie Stevens, “Chain of Fools”

Kara keeps pushing her to be an R&B singer, Randy likens her to Christina Aguilera, (what?) Ellen and Simon think it sounded old. Simon also nails another reality show and calls her performance “Star Search”.

Lee Lon Chaney Dewyze is at his attempted most sincere best with rocking out, ala watered down Nickelback with “Treat Her Like a Lady” a tune by Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose. Granted Lee’s voice is decent but the guy has the sparkle and shine on stage of a scuffed linoleum floor. The David Archuleta ‘Members Only’ jackets need to go, really. He continues to remind me of Lon Chaney in “The Wolfman”. Seems Lee’s got ‘walking pneumonia’. Does no one clean the American Idol quarters? Everyone’s been drastically sick in turns this season.

Everyone loved Lon, I mean, Lee.

Crystal Bowersox left behind her guitar and hippie chick wear and sat piano wearing one of Mariah Carey’s outfits. She sang “Midnight Train to Georgia” tottered about awkwardly in stillettos and basically keeps on winning this show.

What did the judges say? Take a guess. She gives a shout out to Gladys Knight so let’s see when it comes down to finals if she is not paired up during the sing with a real celebrity episode.

Teeny tiny Aaron Kelly misguidedly selected “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers, a song used last season by Kris Allen last season to win the show. He has a complete lack of stage presence. Interestingly out of all the contestants, most have about 5 to 6 vids up on the Youtube. Only found one of Aaron…

RandytheBobo thought it awight with him, Ellen said she thought he was eleven, Kara was vapid, Simon compared him to Lee and called him a cupcake. Indeed.

So, overall I think we may see any of these contestants in the bottom three, Didi Benami, Teflon Tim, Aaron Kelly, Andrew Garcia, and as a potential surprise, Siobhan with her tragically terrible performance.

Who I think should go home, Andrew Garcia but then I don’t always get what I want. After Teflon Tim’s brave performance I do hope he remains to sing another week. Slide, Timmeh, slide…

American Idol Rolled over The Rolling Stones

That title was just too easy…

On an American Idol night that turned out pretty much as anticipated once it was revealed song selections were to be made from The Rolling Stones – the iconic tunes were rolled into a new life form by the season nine contestants. I’m not saying better life form, more like some odd oozing thing you might see in a SyFy B movie on Saturday night. I am figuring this season to go down in the history of the show in which none of the songs picked will ever resemble the originals; all will be reworked and in the case of the Stones, rerolled into a package that makes it difficult to decipher what the Hell it was to begin with.

Michael Lynche works “Miss You” into Michael Jackson meets Rolling Stones. He dons a wallet chain and wears either two watches or a bracelet and watch and once again tromps around the stage in what is to be a dancing but looks more like he’s opening for a WWE match-up.

The panel was mixed but Kara wearing some sort of Star Trekkian blouse liked it, Simon not a fan of the Big Mike stomp around dance routine thought he was desperate and corny.

Didi Bedami has a nickname for her mother, “MommyBedami” whom can’t watch her on the show. Didi picked “Play With FiYah” (apparently that’s how she read it..) and sang it pretty much like she sings everything, so no matter what the song is, when Bedami delivers a tune you know what you’re going to hear. Didi does get the orange light treatments and even her mic is lit up orange so it was easy for RandytheBoBo to come up with, “you’re on fire tonight!”. Ellen caught the double syllable treatment of the single syllable word and Kara babbled on for way too long once again saying Didi’s singing was something like dark chocolate. Or something. That’s what I heard, anyway. Simon thought she did a solid….

Tall, blonde and way too pretty Casey James had a back story revealing that, as a baby he’d suffered some bad reaction to a vaccination, so that gives tall, blonde and gorgeous an out for his sometime vacant reactions. Casey comes across as a genuinely sweet and darling guy and I must say I absolutely love him. Or I would at least for one night.

Casey brings the Bob Wills feel to “It’s All Over Now” with a delicious country twang played his guitar, open-chorded, single handed. (Nice hand moves…) James needs start being a bit more lose on stage and not so stiff but he gave that tune a nice throw back vibe and I liked it.

Randy yo, yo’d and loved it, Ellen brought the Lesbian Blonde jokes and liked it – Kara called him a rock star, Simon is urging the guy to get more wild. I’m down with that.

Amarillo girl Lacey Brown stepped into the role of Tammy Wynette with “Ruby Tuesday”, I did not hate it but then perhaps I’m cutting her some slack, she being Texan and all, y’all. I thought her rushed “…stillI’mgonnamissyou” alteration of the song a bit odd. Randy said something, Ellen was moved somehow to declare Lacey’s like standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon. (Yes, odd not a bad descriptor now is it?) Kara, Hell, who knows what she said, then Simon declared Lacey’s over-thinking the songs… Over thinking seems not the right words when it comes to Lacey.

Andrew Garcia gang banger’s folks gave one of the strangest backstories I’ve heard – and seen – in a while. Apparently Pops, who just cannot hold back the tears, ever, (perhaps Garcia should have selected “As Tears Go By”) thought his son had no higher aspirations in life than to be a custodian. Young Andrew had a key collection so Pops equated keys to being a custodian, it seems. Likely if Garcia can’t make a go on this show he may very well live up to Pop’s dreams. Where is his baby Momma and kid anyway? Just saying. Garcia’s mom was really strange, she sat there as if completely taking herself out of the picture, and gave me an odd mental image… Garcia brought the Michael Buble’ to “Gimme Shelter”.

In his story he talks about picking up the guitar from Pops then says that they never had money for a guitar… word to the rest, have your backstory make some sense… Oh wait it is Idol. RandytheBoBo declared his love but called him pitchy anyway, Ellen admitted to knowing nothing, Kara rambled on trying to give a song history lesson, Simon asked Kara if she wanted a tank on stage, the song to literally, to act out the song. Simon is obviously trying to save the guy for the tour.

Katie Stevens wearing one of her Grandmother’s old party dresses sang “Wild Horses” (of course) because, you know, wild horses could not drag her off the stage. Now lack of votes might but I doubt, with the tweenie contingency voting we’ll witness that happen this week. Her delivery felt off the beat, the song was nearly funereal march slow, she gave it the Idol old school treatment – kept lyrics simple and brought the melisma. I found it like something you’d hear at a school talent show.

At this point, The DMan said, “I bet Mick Jagger’s puking right now if he happens to watch this shit.”
The judges are irrelevant to me right now.

Tim Urban’s home video brings a first, showing him as a baby with what looks like barf all over his wee face. He brings the white-boy version of Bob Marley does “Under My Thumb” demonstrating why he is The Vote for the Worst pick. As he plays The DMan says “It’s not all right, you still look like a girl and you fucked up the song”. And that’s why I love HIM.

RandytheBoBo becomes white noise (again) and Ellen boos herself first then boos Timmy calling him a pina colada resort type singer, and Kara calls E a guy. We knew that was coming eventually. Simon understatedly commends Tim for doing something different but does not hesitate to add that it didn’t work.

Siobhan Magnus comes from a huge artsy family whom apparently like to play with construction paper. She sports the big geek glasses in the clip although perhaps she does not really wear glasses in real life. Listening to Siobhan, The DMan commented, “What the fuck are they all on quaaludes tonight?” Siobhan brings sort of this gypsy influence to the song that culminates into a strange, wild screech, harkening back to Adam Lambert.

RandytheBoBo thought she brought The Drama, The Jersey Shores reference from Ellen is oddly refreshing since it was so random, Simon thought it worked, he seemed to like the scream, saying some will like it some will hate it. The D voiced, “I really hated it” . Me, well it was not my favorite of the night.

Lee Dewyze and his Werewolf boy hair was next. Apparently paint now the theme after Siobhan’s song delivery. Apparently in his life before Idol he worked in a paint store, so after a faux question and answer session on paint names and colors that made Lee even more dull than watchin the stuff dry we get to hear Lee do “Beast of Burden” ala Dave Matthews.

Yes that was the equivalent of paint drying via song. It was ok by RandytheBoBo, E because as she’s already admitted, knows nothing, liked it, yet like a hospital gown, it did not come together, Kara celebrated his tremendous growth – so does that mean he was like a potted plant to begin with and now has advanced to paint drying interesting? Good on him, then. Simon, well he wants this one on the tour too.

Paige Miles was next, she’s been sick with laryngitis but the show must go on. Paige’s back story is about how her Pop died when she was a girl and MommaMiles had to raise her and siblings alone. She too, spent much time singing in church. She brings the honky tonk sound to “Honky Tonk Woman”.

RandytheBoBo liked it ‘awright’, Ellen thinks Paige has star quality, Kara hmm, I forget, Simon thought considering she had laryngitis that she did quite well.

Aaron Kelly is from a small town called Sonestown and he was adopted. He countrifies “Angie” because, well Aaron is aiming to be a country artist, I think we viewers all realize that by now. He’s not toss him out horrible although his song entrance was a bit sad.

RandytheBoBo said something about Justin Timberlake, Ellen thinks they have the same hair, Kara thought he connected and called it ‘very great’. Simon thought it would be an absolute disaster, thought it was the right song for him to pick.

Crystal Bowersox’s dad was always supportive of her music and from the sound of his story, he acted pretty much as her roadie. Apparently she’s been playing since she was ten years old, singing and writing her own songs. Daddy got a song written for him which notably touched him, he’s a crier like Garcia’s Pop. She says since ten she knew this is what she should be doing. Crystal may get what she wants, unlike the song she picked, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” and brought a decent performance of Janis Joplin does Idol Crystal is pretty decent and out of everyone tonight, one of my favorites. Thing is, now the show is aiming for a Siobhan vs Crystal show down.

RandytheBoBo was moved to Yo, awright yo, listen I LOVE YOU!!! Ellen said she sings with such ease, born to be onstage, thought Crystal was bringing some personality tonight, told the kids at home to ‘not think’ and Kara thought Crystal had been a bit arrogant, Simon wants to talk about over thinking which gets Crystal babbling about pressure to support her family. Simon tossed the gauntlet down that Siobhan beat her tonight.

Game on, apparently. So who do I think will leave tonight? My choice for bottom three, Katie Stevens, Lacey Brown and Andrew Garcia. Who I think America will select in the B3, Paige Miles, Lacey Brown and Tim Urban.

Who do I think will go home tonight? I’m picking Lacey, but I’d love it if Garcia went. (I must retain the optimism that VFTW will champion Timmeh.)

American Idol 9: Siobhan Magnus “Dark Horse” Indeed

Siobhan Magnus, for me, is the most interesting character this season on American Idol. It seems she has an intense backstory that she’s not exploited for sympathy or attention witnessed from many of the contestants, historically (and sometimes near hysterically) on this karaoke reality show. I hope you take a few moments, review this contestant’s youtubes and see for yourself what an absolute authentic jewel she is for the show this season.

Oddly during Hollywood week, Simon Cowell had called her a ‘dark horse’ in this competition and she had no idea what he meant by that. Perhaps she was thinking it a bit early to declare dark horse status or she’d never heard that terminology before. Either way, she is quite likely one to watch in the weeks ahead. In her on-line biographies information about her home life and her real life background scarce with the exception of:

“She sings for the band Lunar Valve and graduated from Barnstable High School in 2008. Oddly enough, Magnus is a glass-blowing apprentice and enjoys scary movies.

Naturally with her background in theatre, she’s gaining a comparison to last season’s Adam Lambert. There is a huge difference between she and Lambert, notably not the sexual differences but rather their back drop stories…. more to come.

Siobhan in a high school musical production:

Siobhan Magnus in the role of Belle in high school production of “Beauty and the Beast”.

Cape Cod Idol, the Siobhan support at the pizzaria with her high school choral teacher interview:

Her Hollywood week performance of “Living for the City” definitely shows some reason for the viewers’ assimilation comparison to Adam Lambert’s styling.

Bar video of one of Siobhan’s shows with her band, Lunar Valve in CapeCast. It may be that this CapeCast guy be rather like the WOOO Radio push Taylor Hicks’ enjoyed during his early days on the American Idol 2006 season run…

Granted not the best video/sound but it’s damn difficult without professional equipment to capture the live vs the tape during band performances.

One blogspot established to bring more Siobhan news can be found HERE or at her fan facebook feed HERE.

American Idol 9: So Close and Yet So Far

This week’s American Idol top 16 was a lesson in finding the funny. Seriously, people are we really still thinking this show is all about the music? Let me hit you then with a dose of high reality about this reality show. We can’t even say American Idol has jumped the shark because that would be giving this highly rated karaoke contest some credit for being everything that FOX has wanted it to be, yet it’s not.

Opening the Top 16, Tuesday night we see Ellen Degeneres smoozing up Simon Cowell. Why? To dispell the rumors that started this season that she and Cowell did not get along. Plain and simple. Remember Ellen use to be an actor in a popular evening sitcom so she remembers how to play it Straight… Seriously though, Portia I don’t think you’ve anything to worry about…

Katie Steven the previously thought of Idol favorite once again bombs out on her song. See, people, we can’t go by all the hype coming into this crapfest, it’s all designed to get you to tune in – that or the girl originally came across much better before the show actually started on television. She picks Kelly Clarkson’s hit, “Break Away” and she started way too low and flat and simply floundered pitifully through the rest of the tune. Sadly to top off her dismal vocal performance, she wore a pair of the fugliest pants I’ve ever seen. What were they some sort of camoflage? Seriously, she needed camoflage to fade out of sight after that song. Randy called it karaoke, but that was being way too kind. Simon said she sucked the life out of it. Still he made it clear they still want her on the show. Why? She’s only 17!!!

Siobhan Magnus selected the old classic, “House of Rising Sun”, an old tune I actually like and I like her. She’s so different, odd and rocks originality. She sang it accapella and while it was no Bo Bice “In a Dream” performance it wasn’t terrible. Since the show keeps yanking this season’s contestants’ vids shortly after they hit the Youtube, I’ll put up Bo Bice and his accapella performance instead.
Bo Bice “In a Dream”

Randy gives the best advice this season, “don’t listen to us”. She’s seemingly become the contestant Simon wants to kill off the most, all he can say about her is she’s odd and wierd… I see potential VFTW in her one day.

Lacey Brown did better this week, she performed a song that fit her voice and personality but she’s just not doing much for me at this point. I think she looks much like Nikki McKibben. That’s all I got on Lacey.

Katelyn Epperly tried to make the Earth move with a Carole King tune, she played keyboards. It made absolutely nothing seismic happen in the studio or for us at home. Big bomb for Epperly and is she going for the Howard Stern look? Check it: (Epperly) – the hair and the song a big Mistake.

Didi Benami played her guitar to the Fleetwood Mac song, “Rhiannon”. It was kind of cool, but thing is, Didi sings every song in the same way, identical vocal treatment. Can you imagine listening to that track after track on a CD? The only thing that changes up a Didi Benami performance, the lyrics. My favorite judges’ comment, Ellen’s ‘yes indeedidi’.

I have to pause to comment that Kara must be trying to fill that Paula Abdul void, that or Pauler has some voodoo channeled at Kara and randomly takes over Kara’s body. It’s odd. The hanging next to Simon, her increasingly over the top emotionalism…that wild glazed gleam that shines out from her eyes. Sadly she’s a mere imitation; brought me to the realization that the real Paula does seem to be sorely missing this season.

Anyway, we see the faux crying from Didi, I think at least one tear was shed. I really hate her now. Fraud, fraud, fraud.

I found it ironic Paige Miles picked “Smile” for two reasons, one being Miles and Smile sound similar (yes, I know how first grade of me) and that she nearly wept through the entire song.
Oh look this video still up on Youtube: Paige Miles “Smile”

Randy gives an interesting comment with Paige’s review, “beef, chicken or shrimp” comparing her to a banquet singer. Kara was her bitch face self and well we need not cover them any further.

Crystal Bowersox performed “Give Me One Reason” giving the at-home audience a good reason to pick up their phones and dial. She did a good job. So good in fact, Simon felt the need to get mathematical and rave something about one million billion per cent in the top 12, claiming she’s The One.

Lilly Scott did “I Fall to Pieces” and whereas I did not want to fall into pieces listening to her song delivery (while playing mandolin) she did it interestingly enough. Thing is she continues to remind me of a cross between The Corpse Bride and Cindy Lauper and her songs, like Didi’s all sound alike. Too I think ‘quirky’ a word becoming way overused this season. Someone send the panel a Thesaurus.

Wednesday night opener had Ryan doing some sort of strange pretend military type scene with walking in front of the guys and shouting their names into their faces. Only Alex Lambert seemed to acknowledge the ridiculousness of this and could not stop giggling.

Lee Dewyze picked that horrible song that is being overplayed on the radio, “Firefly” by some band named Owl or something. (Google is your friend.) He was stiff, and sounded pretty terrible on my end. I did get a chuckle out of his seemingly earnest delivery of such a stupid song. I find him dull and lifeless with a complete lack of personality or spark of any kind. I could care less what the judges had to say, did not write it down so can’t recall.

Giggling mullet-boy, Alex Lambert has an interesting voice but please, after Taylor Hicks did Ray LaMontagne’s “Trouble” during his season on the show, Alex should not have gone there. Thin imitation of the song and Hicks still rules it for the show.
Taylor Hicks, “Trouble” (Alex’s version needs not be posted.)

The Vote for the Worst pick, Tim Urban, found a bit more of a voice this week and did the song that helped make Jason Castro so popular on the show, Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”. Tim played acoustic guitar, (which seemed the rage tonight) and delivered his best vocal yet. Best thing about the night so far, Ellen pulled a new judge trick and actually rushed the stage. The look of near fear on Timmy’s face hilarious. Good TV moment.

Gokeycia, aka Andrew Garcia peaked too soon, Kara said. Hell I think he was just a fluke this entire time. Had his best moment in Hollywood week and it’s been down hill ever since. He tried to do to “Genie in a Bottle” (Christina Aguilera) ala the “Straight Up” Paula Abdul tune and failed miserably. It was beyond terrible and I hope he goes home soon or we’ll see his goggled mug on the VFTW banner before this season ends. He continues to show he has no vocal range, tone, melody or personality.

Thank the music gods Casey James left that Jessica Simpson look behind, he came out with messy ponytail, acoustic guitar and did a Keith Urban song, “Think of Me”. I’m not a Keith Urban fan so not familiar with his music but I thought Casey did an excellent job, excellent, especially after what I had endured previously. He still needs to let it go and set himself free on that stage. Man, find that inner wild man spirit, I know it’s in there someplace…

Girly boy Aaron Kelly was up next, looks like he’s trying to grow out those previously over plucked eyebrows. He sticks to his usual country type vibe and does “I’m Already There” by Lonestar. Now regarding Lonestar, all I know is that Hallmark has a Sound card out with one of their songs, saw that at the local Walgreens when birthday card shopping last week. He’s quite terrible.

Good Singing? Yes that’s what was said of Todrick (Fraudrick) Hall’s weak yet theatrical Adam Lambert impersonation during his song choice, “Somebody to Love”. Funny comment from the judges’ panel – he sounds so Broadway. Hello, back in the initial auditions he told them he had done Broadway in that musical Fantasia was in, so no revelation here, they knew what they were getting from the start.

Big Mike, Michael Lynche, styled himself donning a suit ensemble on the top of his torso ending with jeans and sneakers. He was by far the most entertaining of the night.

Michael Lynche definitely showed some range in his vocals, but I’m not sure if that was a good thing. Big Mike went from vocals that sounded like dolphin cries, in “This Woman’s Work” to bellowing out the big low long notes ala Reuben Studdard.

RandyTheBoBo slobbered all over himself, Ellen declared OMG!!! Then we had the beauty that was Kara crying as if she’s in the midst of a hormonal surge combined with too many shots of Tequila. Simon could barely speak with Kara’s watery mess next to him. Now that was entertainment.

My picks for going home, Aaron Kelly, Fraudrick, Paige Miles and Katelyn Epperly.

Oh Good, More Questions We’ve All Ready Heard Before

Come, sit with me and imbibe a beverage or ten as I, for reasons not truly understandable to myself, dissect the recent interview by Kate McCaffrey on Taylor Hicks.

Sit tight folks, here we GO. (psst, hit that link…)

Technical Difficulties… The Bowersox Factor

My rambling and I know, important opinion of last night’s show is in edits. While working it up somehow the site had a malfunction, or I had a malfunction and it’s needing dire edit surgery,something I’ve not time for this morning. Instead, for now, I’ll just put up a few of my favorite moments/performances from last night.

I have decided to blame Crystal Bowersox and her tiny bag of trinkets on my tech issues , I think the hoodoo mommah zapped some whammy in my writing so let’s start with Bowersox and her return from Horrible Illness:

She was quite good.

Then there’s this, Siobhan Magnus. She’s genuinely and completely wonderfully strange. Mohawk and lip tricks and all. I fell in love with her last night.
Siobhan Magnus, “Think”:

That scream at the end, full of win. There was something oddly reminiscent of Taylor Hicks in her ability to just let it all out.

Lilly Scott, “A Change is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke on acid.

I picked a video slightly off on purpose. Adds to the effect. When I watch Lilly I can’t help but think of The Corpse Bride. Tell me you see the same thing.
The Corpse Bride:

Well then, at least last night was marginally an improvement over Tuesday’s not even worthy of Karaoke, night.