American Idol: Top Two and Drool

May 26, 2010

In an incredibly predictable finale like this one – viewer’s main suspense lies in what complete disaster of a song will the ‘triumphant’ winner have to sing for their coronation tune. There wasn’t much of a question of the ‘who part’ for the finale, that was pretty much a given after the top ten was decided. I’m thinking that the judge panel need more lessons in acting to pull off a more realistically none manipulated program.

It was apparent to me since almost the beginning that Crystal Bowersox was the obvious choice for winner. Problem started a few weeks back when it became day-glo neon brightly obvious that Lee Dewyze the ‘new’ favorite of Simon Cowell. That and with the American target audience of this show largely of the feminine persuasion, it’s damn hard for one of their own to pull it off anymore.

The Last Two Standing Idols get a sort of WWE entrances with Lee dashing through the crowd hand spanking the audience. Crystal has an unfortunate moment with her entrance but manages to muddle through. That made Point One for Lee on Good Entrance, Crystal, Fail.

We have to endure Lee’s odd parents deliver a glowing biographical moment discussing his childhood aspirations to be a pro baseball player, shortstop in fact. He then mumbled something about somehow ‘knowing’ even back then he was really meant to be a singer.

Crystal’s bio moment had her flashing back to finding, back in her Daddy’s closet, likely behind the latest stash of Sensimilla Red Roze, an old guitar. She was on the prowl for Christmas presents and figured that must be one of them. So began her ‘career’ in music and her singing at Malls. (Oh look, just like Taylor Hicks did in the Phillipines only then he was like, what, thirty?)

I give Crystal the win over Lee in the bio moment because she started in music doing what Taylor got to do after winning Idol and I dug her hippie Dad.

Lee performs the “The Boxer” obviously thinking he was previously quite brilliant at it. It goes much like the first time I heard it, rather mumbling, raspy but infused with spit. Camera shots were very unflattering for him, each pan at his face showed gobs of thick stringy spittle lacing the inside of his mouth like some sort of gooey spider webb. Made me quite nauseous. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything quite like that, in fact. I know I never want to again.

The past couple of weeks Crystal seemed somewhat complacent and not highly motivated to win this show. That or Dad was smuggling her in some of that Red Roze wonder herb before show time. She brought back the Janis Joplin and does “Me and Bobby Magee” in fine form.

First song goes to Crystal Bowersox leaving now with her 2 points and Lee 1, “ding”.

I can’t help wonder why Randy apparently dressed himself in a dark closet for the show. He’s wore a coral colored tuxedo type jacket paired with some sort of paisley fluffy silk shirt. It’s a mad, mad combination that truly needed a red rubber nose attachment. The red clown nose would have at least made his rambling, nonsensical commentary more interesting.

Next spittle face (Lee) tried to kill my ears warbling out his imitation of REM with “Everybody Hurts.” Completely clueless as to what the tune and melody should be, he was quite terrible. Forget any emotion, forget any fucking direction for the song, REM likely laughing their asses off if they heard him. It was a big groaning moment but I was spared having to look at tons of string spit – one good thing about the song. The judges say things, I don’t take notes.

Crystal sang “Black Velvet”, but wore a mistake of a black gown completely wrong for her full figure. The dress was so tight around her thighs she appeared to waddle down those stage stairs, it also made her ass look three feet wide. Her delivery of the song was near to perfect and unlike Lee, she never has copious amounts of spittle in her mouth as she sings. Therefore, score another in the “V” column for Crystal. The guitarist does a fine job, I must add.

Expecting some sort of drivel-riddled song about going so far or unicorns and rainbows, instead Lee is allowed to sing U2’s “Beautiful Day”. You know, the one that our current President used ad nauseum in his campaign for the position he’s failing miserably at in the Oval office.

Someplace out there Bono must have been cringing at the not even good enough for a karaoke performance Lee brought the song. It’s boring and lacking in any emotion. You know, the way Lee usually sings songs…

Kara, the hopefully in her last season as judge, loves it and comments on his ‘commercial voice’. I’m thinking commercial as in an example of how “how not to sing” U2. Forget the other judges, I made no notes here either.

Crystal performs “Up To The Mountain”, a blues-gospel type dirge but better than any of the other season’s pathetic coronation songs anyone has had to sing. (“Do I Make You Proud” comes to mind.) Sadly this tune is more in-step with past coronation songs complete with mountains, valleys and glory notes. That said, Crystal still wins this round.

We get entreatied at this point with some bloke from the U.K., Will Young, whom I guess won that country’s karaoke show with season nine flash backs of contestants I’ve already forgotten. Is that the song we’ve heard all season?

I thought more attention might be provided Cowell, being his last time to judge but I guess tomorrow night’s megathon of suck will have him sharing the limelight with the hapless Idol ‘winner’. He did at least show up wearing a jacket. Still no word on his replacement but I am crossing my fingers for Harry Connick, Jr.

So, as far as I’m thinking, it’s Lee one, Crystal four. American tweens and housewife fans will have the final say so we’ll just have to stay tuned. Dial Idol has Lee handily winning this thing and with the VFTW cotillion promising to cast their votes, it’s a matter of hours until we find out. See you tonight, bring wine and Jack Daniels if you have it.


American Idol 9: So Close and Yet So Far

March 11, 2010

This week’s American Idol top 16 was a lesson in finding the funny. Seriously, people are we really still thinking this show is all about the music? Let me hit you then with a dose of high reality about this reality show. We can’t even say American Idol has jumped the shark because that would be giving this highly rated karaoke contest some credit for being everything that FOX has wanted it to be, yet it’s not.

Opening the Top 16, Tuesday night we see Ellen Degeneres smoozing up Simon Cowell. Why? To dispell the rumors that started this season that she and Cowell did not get along. Plain and simple. Remember Ellen use to be an actor in a popular evening sitcom so she remembers how to play it Straight… Seriously though, Portia I don’t think you’ve anything to worry about…

Katie Steven the previously thought of Idol favorite once again bombs out on her song. See, people, we can’t go by all the hype coming into this crapfest, it’s all designed to get you to tune in – that or the girl originally came across much better before the show actually started on television. She picks Kelly Clarkson’s hit, “Break Away” and she started way too low and flat and simply floundered pitifully through the rest of the tune. Sadly to top off her dismal vocal performance, she wore a pair of the fugliest pants I’ve ever seen. What were they some sort of camoflage? Seriously, she needed camoflage to fade out of sight after that song. Randy called it karaoke, but that was being way too kind. Simon said she sucked the life out of it. Still he made it clear they still want her on the show. Why? She’s only 17!!!

Siobhan Magnus selected the old classic, “House of Rising Sun”, an old tune I actually like and I like her. She’s so different, odd and rocks originality. She sang it accapella and while it was no Bo Bice “In a Dream” performance it wasn’t terrible. Since the show keeps yanking this season’s contestants’ vids shortly after they hit the Youtube, I’ll put up Bo Bice and his accapella performance instead.
Bo Bice “In a Dream”

Randy gives the best advice this season, “don’t listen to us”. She’s seemingly become the contestant Simon wants to kill off the most, all he can say about her is she’s odd and wierd… I see potential VFTW in her one day.

Lacey Brown did better this week, she performed a song that fit her voice and personality but she’s just not doing much for me at this point. I think she looks much like Nikki McKibben. That’s all I got on Lacey.

Katelyn Epperly tried to make the Earth move with a Carole King tune, she played keyboards. It made absolutely nothing seismic happen in the studio or for us at home. Big bomb for Epperly and is she going for the Howard Stern look? Check it: (Epperly) – the hair and the song a big Mistake.

Didi Benami played her guitar to the Fleetwood Mac song, “Rhiannon”. It was kind of cool, but thing is, Didi sings every song in the same way, identical vocal treatment. Can you imagine listening to that track after track on a CD? The only thing that changes up a Didi Benami performance, the lyrics. My favorite judges’ comment, Ellen’s ‘yes indeedidi’.

I have to pause to comment that Kara must be trying to fill that Paula Abdul void, that or Pauler has some voodoo channeled at Kara and randomly takes over Kara’s body. It’s odd. The hanging next to Simon, her increasingly over the top emotionalism…that wild glazed gleam that shines out from her eyes. Sadly she’s a mere imitation; brought me to the realization that the real Paula does seem to be sorely missing this season.

Anyway, we see the faux crying from Didi, I think at least one tear was shed. I really hate her now. Fraud, fraud, fraud.

I found it ironic Paige Miles picked “Smile” for two reasons, one being Miles and Smile sound similar (yes, I know how first grade of me) and that she nearly wept through the entire song.
Oh look this video still up on Youtube: Paige Miles “Smile”

Randy gives an interesting comment with Paige’s review, “beef, chicken or shrimp” comparing her to a banquet singer. Kara was her bitch face self and well we need not cover them any further.

Crystal Bowersox performed “Give Me One Reason” giving the at-home audience a good reason to pick up their phones and dial. She did a good job. So good in fact, Simon felt the need to get mathematical and rave something about one million billion per cent in the top 12, claiming she’s The One.

Lilly Scott did “I Fall to Pieces” and whereas I did not want to fall into pieces listening to her song delivery (while playing mandolin) she did it interestingly enough. Thing is she continues to remind me of a cross between The Corpse Bride and Cindy Lauper and her songs, like Didi’s all sound alike. Too I think ‘quirky’ a word becoming way overused this season. Someone send the panel a Thesaurus.

Wednesday night opener had Ryan doing some sort of strange pretend military type scene with walking in front of the guys and shouting their names into their faces. Only Alex Lambert seemed to acknowledge the ridiculousness of this and could not stop giggling.

Lee Dewyze picked that horrible song that is being overplayed on the radio, “Firefly” by some band named Owl or something. (Google is your friend.) He was stiff, and sounded pretty terrible on my end. I did get a chuckle out of his seemingly earnest delivery of such a stupid song. I find him dull and lifeless with a complete lack of personality or spark of any kind. I could care less what the judges had to say, did not write it down so can’t recall.

Giggling mullet-boy, Alex Lambert has an interesting voice but please, after Taylor Hicks did Ray LaMontagne’s “Trouble” during his season on the show, Alex should not have gone there. Thin imitation of the song and Hicks still rules it for the show.
Taylor Hicks, “Trouble” (Alex’s version needs not be posted.)

The Vote for the Worst pick, Tim Urban, found a bit more of a voice this week and did the song that helped make Jason Castro so popular on the show, Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”. Tim played acoustic guitar, (which seemed the rage tonight) and delivered his best vocal yet. Best thing about the night so far, Ellen pulled a new judge trick and actually rushed the stage. The look of near fear on Timmy’s face hilarious. Good TV moment.

Gokeycia, aka Andrew Garcia peaked too soon, Kara said. Hell I think he was just a fluke this entire time. Had his best moment in Hollywood week and it’s been down hill ever since. He tried to do to “Genie in a Bottle” (Christina Aguilera) ala the “Straight Up” Paula Abdul tune and failed miserably. It was beyond terrible and I hope he goes home soon or we’ll see his goggled mug on the VFTW banner before this season ends. He continues to show he has no vocal range, tone, melody or personality.

Thank the music gods Casey James left that Jessica Simpson look behind, he came out with messy ponytail, acoustic guitar and did a Keith Urban song, “Think of Me”. I’m not a Keith Urban fan so not familiar with his music but I thought Casey did an excellent job, excellent, especially after what I had endured previously. He still needs to let it go and set himself free on that stage. Man, find that inner wild man spirit, I know it’s in there someplace…

Girly boy Aaron Kelly was up next, looks like he’s trying to grow out those previously over plucked eyebrows. He sticks to his usual country type vibe and does “I’m Already There” by Lonestar. Now regarding Lonestar, all I know is that Hallmark has a Sound card out with one of their songs, saw that at the local Walgreens when birthday card shopping last week. He’s quite terrible.

Good Singing? Yes that’s what was said of Todrick (Fraudrick) Hall’s weak yet theatrical Adam Lambert impersonation during his song choice, “Somebody to Love”. Funny comment from the judges’ panel – he sounds so Broadway. Hello, back in the initial auditions he told them he had done Broadway in that musical Fantasia was in, so no revelation here, they knew what they were getting from the start.

Big Mike, Michael Lynche, styled himself donning a suit ensemble on the top of his torso ending with jeans and sneakers. He was by far the most entertaining of the night.

Michael Lynche definitely showed some range in his vocals, but I’m not sure if that was a good thing. Big Mike went from vocals that sounded like dolphin cries, in “This Woman’s Work” to bellowing out the big low long notes ala Reuben Studdard.

RandyTheBoBo slobbered all over himself, Ellen declared OMG!!! Then we had the beauty that was Kara crying as if she’s in the midst of a hormonal surge combined with too many shots of Tequila. Simon could barely speak with Kara’s watery mess next to him. Now that was entertainment.

My picks for going home, Aaron Kelly, Fraudrick, Paige Miles and Katelyn Epperly.

Oh Good, More Questions We’ve All Ready Heard Before

March 6, 2010

Come, sit with me and imbibe a beverage or ten as I, for reasons not truly understandable to myself, dissect the recent interview by Kate McCaffrey on Taylor Hicks.

Sit tight folks, here we GO. (psst, hit that link…)

IDOL BLUES: Maybe You Should

February 27, 2010

IDOL BLUES is back up public. I just know many of you cried yourself to sleep every night hoping I’d reopen that massive wonder of whatever it is. Dry your eyes darlings, because it’s back.

Maybe You Should: Taylor Hicks

Hit up IDOL BLUES for a view to the NING side of Taylor Hicks; it’s lip smacking good. IDOL BLUES.

IDOL BLUES is Now Closed; at Least for the Moment

January 7, 2010

Since announcing I may likely cease posting and shut down my Taylor Hicks’ fan Blogger site, IDOL BLUES, established in 2006, an odd resurgence of interest has awakened apparently to reread and review posts from 2007. Fans who hung out at the notorious SPLASH site and that den of evil, MFOYA, know the reasons behind that, I imagine. For those folks who missed all the verging on psychotic fun, just be glad you were not in the mix. It seems some sort of madness took hundreds perhaps thousands of women fans (and a few male fans) over and washed their minds with some sort of brain-bleach.

Victims of this past situation, that in hindsight reads like some sort of Machiavellian novel, were left slain by the virtual roadside with crassly drawn red marks slashed across their images. (In fact this seems to be still carried out today but on other persons of interest…*wink*) Sides were drawn and war of some odd sort waged between various web sites like some sort of Soul Patrol Civil War. (Wow, that might be a nice title…)

Considering I’ve not yet gone through and reviewed all the carnage that occurred on IDOL BLUES in the wake of that year of mass insanity and seeing how several folks seemingly, may be saving posts for their references, I decided it best I shut it down, eliminating for a short while, mass perusal. What they’ve taken they have but the door is closed now.

I will reopen the site, certainly, when I do its little fairwell blog, but whether I keep the blog alive and available on the net remains to be seen. It will very well depend on what may come of these little page saves taken from the site by some very interested individuals. I know other folks have saved many pages from the past, just interesting today the work going on in what seems to be an earnest form of archiving. It’s amusing yet brings back some of those 2007 stalker memories…

Come to think of it, if some of you like the site so much, it can be bought…

The Poachers’ Song

Double Standards Need Not Apply

December 6, 2009

What is it that many of the denizens within the Taylor Hicks’ fanbase (and likely other artists) think it appropriate or warranted to post multi-paragraphical rants on how they’re picking up their toys and leaving certain blogs because they might not like the discussion at hand?

Man if you’re unhappy with what you’re reading, don’t use passive-aggressive tactics to demonstrate just how highly you envision yourself possessed of some sort of clout or entitlement. As if that particular blog’s going to fall apart without your posts. Posts which you apparently think crucial commentary that everyone on the internet need pay attention to and honor you.

Using the “Well if this is how the conversations here are going to be I’m going to take my posts elsewhere” all the while really just trying some sad manipulative and childish tactic to get things to sway your way. Hilarious really.

What I’m referring to is a recent post found on the music related blog, It’s All Grey. The site owner starts a rather innocuous post about a certain admiration she has for another reality show contestant from American Idol, Adam Lambert. Visiting readers beginning with the always bitingly caustic Henry8 start their assessments of Lambert.

Henry8 includes, “Given that and the fact that you think Adam is true to the music, then why don’t you have a blog about him?
Its all for show, been done a hundred times, and pretty phony. Its cookie cutter shock but seems to be what people want so more power to them.
He could become the biggest thing on earth or not, its all the same to me.
I kind of like watching him cause I always get to laughing.”
Later she adds, “Oh, this is a general all around music blog? Excuse me, I didn’t realize. I was fooled by the grey in the name and the picture. My bad.”

See, the “It’s All Grey” blog with the title infers several things to include discussion of Taylor Hicks and has his image on the site header. This leads many to think that every single post should circle around him and yes, always speak only in glowing terms.

Rosie writes, “There tends to be the attitude that they do it right and Tay did and does it wrong. It should not be too hard to understand that constant theme, upsets some of Taylor’s big fans.”

While the blog owner, dubbed “Grey”, put up a Lambert video and acknowledged she liked him no put down of Mr. Hicks was made. Of course rationale was made that one needs ‘read between the lines’ and we all know that doing that requires the person reading’s perspective and personal biases. If you want to read negative, I’m sure you will.

Example: Rosie adds to the conversation, “When you read between the lines, some here imply Tay should be a little more like someone else or say he isn’t true to his music. This is the 2nd thread devoted to Adam in recent time. So as a regular here I thought I’d let people know my opinion of him, just like I do with Tay. I’ve seen no hate or anger directed towards Adam.”

I mean really? There were several posts including Henry8’s outright insulting the kid, not that it bothers me one way or another, just making an observation. It seems that by not praising Taylor Hicks constantly it must be bashing him and insulting him, that’s the only thing I can think of that might apply here.

Poster Tayforever writes, “So it’s okay to bash the living hell out of Taylor, but no way can we criticize Adam? (Even though it’s a “music blog” where “everyone has a right to their opinion”?)
Just trying to figure out the rules…”

I found her remark rather odd considering no ‘bashing the hell out of Taylor Hicks’ was being done. I mean nothing really said about Mr. Hicks at all, much less to warrant such a bipolar outburst in the comments section.

NolaMar wrote, “I Hate IT!! Really, that is my reaction. I was not impressed with the song when I first heard it and I think I dislike it more now. The video is awful IMHO. I had high hopes for Adam as an artist, with that great voice of his. I’m SO disappointed. He peaked in the middle of the show and has continued downhill from there.” This said in reference to Adam Lambert.

Meanwhile posters above NolaMar say Lambert’s laughable, he’s ridiculous, a poser, a fake among other things. No, no casting insults here, no none at all; referring back to Rosie’s comment…

meg Says: “Charcoal: I was going to say something, but you beat me to it and said it far better than I could. ( I would have just aggravated the Lambert lovers – which is kind of fun….)”

Apparently Taylor Hicks’ fans have great fun insulting other people’s musical taste but if the insults refer to Taylor Hicks it’s not quite so jolly. It’s never fun to see anything you like treated the same way. But then you’d have to be incorporating that do unto others rule and well that is quite absent in certain narrow and small circles.

Averymae wrote, “I will leave with an observation. If people are so offended by what is written on this blog as they so vocally state on other blogs, then why do they find it necessary to venture over here? Perhaps they should stretch their own imagination and exercise their own creativity into making the blog they so frequent a more interesting place to be.”

She’s referring to venturing over to “It’s All Grey” and providing the veiled insults toward the blog owner and anyone talking positively about any other artists because apparently positive toward another musician somehow is a negative cast at Taylor Hicks. I really must learn to read between those lines.

Games people play
You take it or you leave it
Things that they say
just don’t make it right
If I’m telling you the truth right now
do you believe it?
Games people play
in the middle of the night

The Alternative viewpoint what fellow Gays think of Adam Lambert’s performance:

Viva Las Vegas, His Little Good Luck Charm: The Return of Taylor Hicks

November 30, 2009

Fairs and festivals have provided our little ol’ band from Texas a few venues to play and entertain some of the local folks – well to be honest, more like provide a bit of ambience and background music… But hey, for us that’s a fun thing to do and likely the most we’ll ever aspire to with our limited skills…

Taylor Hicks seems to think it might be a great way to go as well. Perhaps he’s missing the scent of animals in the pens at the petting zoos and the aroma of frying corn dogs and funnel cakes. I certainly know he must make a great deal more than our band does considering none of us ever won American Idol nor would have the brass to try out – ever.

This morning, on Twitter, Mr. Hicks sent out a tweet (Twitter slang for message) that he’s flying to Las Vegas, you know that town where he began his run at the Idol crown waaay back in 2005. Now, before you jump my er, ship, I know he won the show in 2006 but he began auditions in 2005. Anyway, Taylor Hicks excitedly wrote: “Going to Vegas!! To play for promoters of fairs and festivals across the country!”

Then, like always when he shoots out a tweet or puts up a twitpic, readers flock to comment, as witnessed on this page: Twitter Taylor Hicks live feed. Naturally the fans are excited for him, why, he did win A.I. by auditioning in Las Vegas, why not audition for more gigs in that same town? Obviously it’s his Good Luck Charm.

It’s a tough life out there in the music industry and a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Or rather, perhaps I should say a musician’s gotta do what a musician’s gotta do.

Viva Las Vegas

But for many folks this might not sound all that promising. I mean, certainly a lot of entertainers do places like Bonneroo, and the various music fests like (South by Southwest) SXSW but if we’re talking running the gamut of the various County Fairs, well that’s another matter. Could this mean… The End?

I do love the smell of corn dogs in the morning….