American Idol: Top Two and Drool

May 26, 2010

In an incredibly predictable finale like this one – viewer’s main suspense lies in what complete disaster of a song will the ‘triumphant’ winner have to sing for their coronation tune. There wasn’t much of a question of the ‘who part’ for the finale, that was pretty much a given after the top ten was decided. I’m thinking that the judge panel need more lessons in acting to pull off a more realistically none manipulated program.

It was apparent to me since almost the beginning that Crystal Bowersox was the obvious choice for winner. Problem started a few weeks back when it became day-glo neon brightly obvious that Lee Dewyze the ‘new’ favorite of Simon Cowell. That and with the American target audience of this show largely of the feminine persuasion, it’s damn hard for one of their own to pull it off anymore.

The Last Two Standing Idols get a sort of WWE entrances with Lee dashing through the crowd hand spanking the audience. Crystal has an unfortunate moment with her entrance but manages to muddle through. That made Point One for Lee on Good Entrance, Crystal, Fail.

We have to endure Lee’s odd parents deliver a glowing biographical moment discussing his childhood aspirations to be a pro baseball player, shortstop in fact. He then mumbled something about somehow ‘knowing’ even back then he was really meant to be a singer.

Crystal’s bio moment had her flashing back to finding, back in her Daddy’s closet, likely behind the latest stash of Sensimilla Red Roze, an old guitar. She was on the prowl for Christmas presents and figured that must be one of them. So began her ‘career’ in music and her singing at Malls. (Oh look, just like Taylor Hicks did in the Phillipines only then he was like, what, thirty?)

I give Crystal the win over Lee in the bio moment because she started in music doing what Taylor got to do after winning Idol and I dug her hippie Dad.

Lee performs the “The Boxer” obviously thinking he was previously quite brilliant at it. It goes much like the first time I heard it, rather mumbling, raspy but infused with spit. Camera shots were very unflattering for him, each pan at his face showed gobs of thick stringy spittle lacing the inside of his mouth like some sort of gooey spider webb. Made me quite nauseous. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything quite like that, in fact. I know I never want to again.

The past couple of weeks Crystal seemed somewhat complacent and not highly motivated to win this show. That or Dad was smuggling her in some of that Red Roze wonder herb before show time. She brought back the Janis Joplin and does “Me and Bobby Magee” in fine form.

First song goes to Crystal Bowersox leaving now with her 2 points and Lee 1, “ding”.

I can’t help wonder why Randy apparently dressed himself in a dark closet for the show. He’s wore a coral colored tuxedo type jacket paired with some sort of paisley fluffy silk shirt. It’s a mad, mad combination that truly needed a red rubber nose attachment. The red clown nose would have at least made his rambling, nonsensical commentary more interesting.

Next spittle face (Lee) tried to kill my ears warbling out his imitation of REM with “Everybody Hurts.” Completely clueless as to what the tune and melody should be, he was quite terrible. Forget any emotion, forget any fucking direction for the song, REM likely laughing their asses off if they heard him. It was a big groaning moment but I was spared having to look at tons of string spit – one good thing about the song. The judges say things, I don’t take notes.

Crystal sang “Black Velvet”, but wore a mistake of a black gown completely wrong for her full figure. The dress was so tight around her thighs she appeared to waddle down those stage stairs, it also made her ass look three feet wide. Her delivery of the song was near to perfect and unlike Lee, she never has copious amounts of spittle in her mouth as she sings. Therefore, score another in the “V” column for Crystal. The guitarist does a fine job, I must add.

Expecting some sort of drivel-riddled song about going so far or unicorns and rainbows, instead Lee is allowed to sing U2’s “Beautiful Day”. You know, the one that our current President used ad nauseum in his campaign for the position he’s failing miserably at in the Oval office.

Someplace out there Bono must have been cringing at the not even good enough for a karaoke performance Lee brought the song. It’s boring and lacking in any emotion. You know, the way Lee usually sings songs…

Kara, the hopefully in her last season as judge, loves it and comments on his ‘commercial voice’. I’m thinking commercial as in an example of how “how not to sing” U2. Forget the other judges, I made no notes here either.

Crystal performs “Up To The Mountain”, a blues-gospel type dirge but better than any of the other season’s pathetic coronation songs anyone has had to sing. (“Do I Make You Proud” comes to mind.) Sadly this tune is more in-step with past coronation songs complete with mountains, valleys and glory notes. That said, Crystal still wins this round.

We get entreatied at this point with some bloke from the U.K., Will Young, whom I guess won that country’s karaoke show with season nine flash backs of contestants I’ve already forgotten. Is that the song we’ve heard all season?

I thought more attention might be provided Cowell, being his last time to judge but I guess tomorrow night’s megathon of suck will have him sharing the limelight with the hapless Idol ‘winner’. He did at least show up wearing a jacket. Still no word on his replacement but I am crossing my fingers for Harry Connick, Jr.

So, as far as I’m thinking, it’s Lee one, Crystal four. American tweens and housewife fans will have the final say so we’ll just have to stay tuned. Dial Idol has Lee handily winning this thing and with the VFTW cotillion promising to cast their votes, it’s a matter of hours until we find out. See you tonight, bring wine and Jack Daniels if you have it.


American Idol Top Three: Hallelujah It’s Almost Over

May 19, 2010

I think I lost 37,000,000 brain cells last night watching that now oh-so-obviously scripted piece of karaoke television called American Idol.

Last weekend was the top three Idols’ homecomings and our local FOX news, even through what seemed to be a monsoon rain, covered Casey James as heavily as the rain pouring down. (that was too easy) Interestingly and tellingly, outside of the obligatory AT&T store front sponsorship, the show ran no footage of the homecoming festivities. You know, it might have swayed the at-home viewers into voting differently from the direction the show wanted to steer the herd. Captain Obvious, Lee Dewyze, did get marginally more air-time, let’s sit and speculate why…OK that was long enough. More air-time and more of everything else.

Casey James selected a song, that if anyone paid attention, an obvious head nod that it was his last night. Song choice, “OK It’s All Right With Me” by Eric Hutchinson. Kara Dioguardi called it an ‘unknown’ song showing what an idiot to the ninth degree she really is.

Sure, cowboy Casey could have selected a number of other songs that may have been a bit better but then he couldn’t blatantly have let on to the folks at home he realizes his time on the show is over.
Casey James “OK It’s All Right With Me”

Randy and Ellen agreed the song was ‘just all right’ for them. Simon baited Kara (it’s just too easy) into a ridiculously overly serious discussion of song climaxing. But then climaxing and Kara go hand in hand.

Kara and RandytheBoBo picked “Daughters” for Casey, a really terrible song selection, it’s a treacly ballad, one of John Mayer’s most lackluster efforts, but with the masses inability to tell good from bad music, made him a lot of money. Casey gives it the lackluster treatment it deserves. I must add, his voice sounds very good on the song; James can actually carry a tune.

Casey James “Daughters”

Kara and Randy attempted to make their song choice out to be stellar – Simon didn’t agree but he does say, rather quietly at the end of the critique that Casey’s vocals sounded quite good.

Crystal Bowersox selected “Come To My Window” by Melissa Etheridge and Ellen Degeneres picked “Maybe I’m Amazed” by Paul McCartney for her. She hauled along her harmonica rig and sporadically played it going for the ‘folk’ singer vibe. I have to hand it to her at least she did not alter the lyrics and kept true to the “Maybe I’m Amazed” song. That said it was not her best night.

I had to take into consideration after watching the theatrics provided Lee, how sparse the settings for Casey and Crystal and cut them a lot of slack. Lee was treated like the second coming of some higher being – goal to inspire the lemmings and peasants to follow the show’s lead and go ga-ga over his out of tune performances. Having the choir come in along with the string section and basically drown him out on “Hallelujah” was a brilliant move. He was out of tune and vocally inept and weak in comparison to anyone else on the history of this show who have sung that song. (Nod to Timmeh.)
Regarding Idol, Jason Castro’s version better than Lee’s.

To go home tonight, after the Idol bus ran over him, Casey James.


American Idol Top 4: Duets and Mrs. Robinson

May 12, 2010

Movie theme night, yet another theme guaranteed to be quite terrible. From what I understand the hapless contestants had only ten tunes to pick from so we shouldn’t be too very hard on them. I do enjoy the top four spot in which the contestants get to duet with one another. My query is why doesn’t the show do more of that during the season, would be so much more interesting than some of those gawdawful group numbers.

Jamie Foxx once again on the show as a guest mentor and once again I can only ask “why him”? I mean the guy’s last season performance with full on autotune was quite horrible and confirmed he should stick to acting and ‘scripted’ singing… ala his Oscar winning turn as Ray Charles. He came up with at least an original idea with presenting the contestants with tacky t-shirts labeled ‘Contestant’ or ‘Artist’ to ‘grade’ them on their practice session with him.

He does do some decent mentoring but he pales (excuse my terminology) in comparison to Harry Connick, Jr. (Radio rumors this morning have Mr. Connick hot in the running for the Simon Cowell position *crosses fingers*.) I did get the feel that possibly Mr. Foxx was giving it a run toward possibly positioning himself as a contender for that position as well. Seems an easy gig with incredible benefits and great pay, certainly he would make more at that than his record sales.

Lee oddly selects “Kiss From A Rose” by Seal, a tune apparently from “Batman Forever” and immediately wins the “Contestant” shirt or just a plain black tee that reads “I Suck”. His vocals consist of incoherent mumbles (per usual) and he bottoms out the low notes while evading the true melody behind the tune. Way back when I liked that song but since I’ve heard it way too often in the Idol format I’ve grown to truely hate it.

I thought Jamie Foxx’s approach of getting in Lee’s face ala Hokey Gokey last season was, well, so last season.

Harkening back to the greatness that was Harry Connick last week, Kara calls Lee out for his “out of tune” delivery Let’s hope that “pitchy” is dead to us all from this time forward in this show.

Simon relies on the tried and true and muchly used ‘karaoke’ label that has been in full form this season and of course, he’s right. I know it’s an impossibility but Lee should go home, but I’ll try to stick to reality and understand that’s not happening. In this universe at least.

Michael Lynche hilariously chose a song from “Free Willy”, I don’t know about you but the mental image of him standing starkers with his ‘willy’ dangling ‘free’ made me giggle. Lynche pointed out how it’s a Michael Jackson song referring to Egypt or something, not at all to do with his identifying with being a whale…. (I know, I’m on a roll…)

Large Lynche attempts the gospel route, which was also quite odd considering the entire “Willy” thing. Anyway I hope Lynche’s willy is indeed set free tonight but after his pathetic plea that ‘he had a dream from last year to finish top three’ he may stay. Those people in Florida having not to deal with ‘hanging chads’ or such will likely be punching the phone lines. (I can’t help myself.)

First duet of the night had Lee and Crystal singing “Falling Slowly” from Once. They actually sound pretty good, Crystal carrying Lee who actually tries to develop a personality in a few parts of the song. I recall from last year when wee Kris Allen sang it no one even seemed to know what it was and now it’s everyone’s ‘favorite’. bah.

Golden haired boy, Casey James ingeniously (perhaps he does actually have a bright mind) picks “Mrs. Robinson” – that tune from The Graduate by Simon and Garfunkel. I did not buy for one moment Casey was innocent in heading in THAT direction. The song choice might save him. I question his selecting a mandolin for the tune, but at least he did not go with a ukulele although that would have been funnier. Jamie Foxx in his time with Casey was strange, what was that about ‘seducing’ him?

Speaking of seducing, Kara donned her lady suit for the night. I was thinking it perhaps an attempt to at least look more intelligent. Sadly, as soon as she opened her mouth that ploy failed when she turned the attention for Casey’s song choice into being all about her. As usual.
Casey James “Mrs. Robinson”

MommaSox picked Kenny Loggins, “I’m All Right” as in “Caddyshack”, you know that movie about the gopher/rodent running amuck all over the golf course… or something. Of course she was the best of the night but she did pull a hint of Siobhan out of her throat toward the end of the song… Her boyfriend, significant other or whatnot was front and center waving the flag for her, in form of pajama pants. I mean, really it’s just Idol why dress?

Second duet of the night, Fat Mike and Casey James do Brian Adams’ “Have You Ever Loved A Woman”, which to Casey’s credit he played quite well on. I do have a prejudice against Brian Adams, I will admit. Another thing I noticed, Fat Mike WEARS his guitar. The guy occasionally strums a note here and there but I really hate posers who don a guitar like you’d wear any sort of accessory. They weren’t too bad though, overall.

I hold out hope that Big Mike will end his Idol journey tonight, that Casey progresses into Top Three. (Mike will likely pull a Jason Castro and get his homecoming anyway, don’t ‘boo’ me here, people.) It would make it all worthwhile to see somehow, someway Casey knocks that blubbery smile off Lee’s mug and beats him into the Top Two. We already know who’s winning this thing. Holding on to the thought that we’re almost done for the year.

Oh, by the way, ‘sources’ say that the successor to Cowell will be announced very soon. (Chant to yourselves, “Harry Connick” “Harry Connick”, make it a mantra.)


American Idol Top 6: How We Missed Tim Urban

April 28, 2010

The show began with my darling daughter lamenting, “It’s not going to be the same without Timmeh…”. She was right it wasn’t the same but then again it wasn’t any different except Tim Urban is now ‘come back home’ to Texas.

Pulling up caboose role last night, in the Shania Twain (Train) (play on words) night that Ellen Degeneres thought so funny was Lee Dewyze. The guy sang a completely toneless, tuneless and gravelly version of this Shania song; I could not even figure out what the Hell it was until looked it up. Google is my friend. I guess that’s called ‘making it your own’ and his own is NOT the One.
Lee Dewyze sings “You’re the One”

Michael Lynche picked “It Only Hurts when I’m Breathing” and it only hurt when I sat and watched him sing this. Lynche gave an effeminate, greasy-cheese performance complete with stupid facial contortions and over the top melisma served with a side of terrible. Ellen said he was like Luther Van Dross. That must be one of her funnier lines this season. He too makes this song ‘his own’; an unrecognizable, girly wailing fashitto waste of stage.

Casey James sang, “Don’t”, in his words to “show the side of me I haven’t really showed.” He looked gorgeous, but I was hoping for his showing how to sing Shania without a shirt, but THAT wasn’t the side of him he was talking about. We’re getting the entire Casey/Shania performance moment because well, it is my blog.

Now that is a beautiful man. TheDman keeps saying this guy will win it all, but I think (since he doesn’t really watch this show much) he’s pacifying me for bonus points because I think the guy’s a yummy mess.
The judges loved him, dubbed it The Best Casey James Performance Evah! Simon told him he must kiss Shania and I called it shenanigans. Why did Simon wear his Venom (Spiderman reference) shirt last night?
Crystal Bowersox delivered an authentically country sounding, “No One Needs to Know”, and the judge panel decides, you know, to mix it up, to toss her under the bus. Oh the suspense… will she still be safe (big undertone of sarcasm)? She continues that “Magic Carpet Ride” theme with a new rug and gives a drinking-a- cold-Lone-Star moment.
Crystal Bowersox, “No One Needs to Know”

Aaron Kelly gives the show what he does every week, every thing he does sounds the same. “You’ve Got a Way” though finally made me recall who he reminds me of… a young K D Lange. Why haven’t I noticed this before?
Aaron Kelly “You’ve Got a Way”

Siobhan Magnus was The Scream Train that drove the show last night with her dancing, prancey version of “Any Man of Mine”. Simon Cowell was so knocked out he deemed it sounded like she was ‘giving birth’ on stage. Birth to a new VFTW campaign. Siobhan did not disappoint last night.
Siobhan Magnus “Any Man of Mine”

Yee Haw.

Dial Idol has Michael Lynche and Lee in the bottom two, but then again wee Aaron is at number one. I am pulling for either of them to go home. Or Aaron.


American Idol – Top Seven

April 21, 2010

Alicia Keys is the guest mentor on American Idol this week. Regarding mentoring, for the most part she simply pointed out the obvious regarding song delivery and looked lovely. Apparently she’s been a big proponent for solving Africa’s HIV issues too, per the show promotion. Theme of the week, “Songs of Inspiration”, naturally, since this is that “Idol Gives Back” week.

Casey James looked gorgeous. I had to relisten to his song as I was initially focused on looking AT him. That said, he did the song sort of like Huey Lewis and The News does Fleetwood Mac. I keep hoping for something crazy but James may not have it in him. He did have his Cougarific fan club in attendance waving their bedazzled and glittery signs.
“Don’t Stop” Casey James

Randy pointed out Casey sounds the same way week after week.
Ellen was not giving the kind love this week, told him he was not great and no one would be talking about his performance.
Kara ranted something about that song he did last week, (“Jealous Guy”) but she still believes in him. Translation – she’d still hit that.
Simon heaves him under the bus calling it ‘zero emotion’ and lazy song choice.

Paint salesman Lee Dewyze is up next and looks like he’s been on a Happy Hour bender with drab brown crumpled shirt and grey tie askew. He babbled with Ryan about his song choice and how he’s not talked to his BFF GokeyGarcia since he left. He selected Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Boxer” and performed it once again in his best Dave Matthews imitation, mumbling in the same styling he always sings in, but he did attempt some facial contortions to assimilate emotional involvement. He ‘la-la-la-la-la-leid’ for what seemed way too long.

Randy was impressed because he’s a BoBo.
Ellen said she thought he was great and said the phrase, ‘better and better’ twelve times.
Kara took way too long to say really nothing, per her usual.
Simon said it was best of night, and only second song in. (What a tool.)

Highlight, besides Lee finally ending his song, Captain Sully, the guy who saved New York from a firey plane crash and many lives, some years back, was in attendance.

Tim Urban did GooGoo Doll’s “Better Days”; I thought he sang it quite well, he brought some palpable emotion; I really liked him. He did not do a copycat version and really, this was one of the least karaoke of the evening. VFTW slammed it as being out of tune, etc. but perhaps my four glasses of merlot helped with the sound… Alicia Keys liked him too, so Hell, good on Timmeh.
Tim Urban “Better Days”

Randy said it was an interesting choice and called it Karaoke said the song ‘laid there’.
Ellen copied Randy, yapped about soup.
Kara – who gives a shit.
Simon, said he’s improved but it was a little bit of a let down.
I call shenanigans on this entire judge panel.
Ryan called him gaspacho (cold fish soup).
(How freaking obvious, this week it’s toss Tim out week.)

Teeny tiny Aaron Kelly sang horrid child molester, R. Kelly’s song, “I Believe”. He was gravelly, karaoke and typical old Idol with over the top big notes, hyper-dramatic. Who is voting for this guy?

Randy, “You picked a giant, giant song, arrangement was funny to me”. Stupid Randy, that IS the way the song is done by any and every one who has ever done it.
Ellen said she did drugs in the ’70’s.
Kara told wee Aaron he flew.
Simon said he’d turn it off the radio in ten seconds then backtracks to call it good. (What a tool.)

Siobhan Magnus brought the Snow White Disney musical in her selection of “When You Believe”. Completing the birdies-should-be-flying-around-her-head vibe – her ensemble complete with 3-D butterflies, her hair looking as if she’d had it rubbed with a balloon before she hit stage.
“When You Believe’ Siobhan Magnus

Randy commended her for the toughest song of the night, then called it “Ok for me”.
Ellen disagreed and said it offered more confirmation as to why she’s there. (You know E likely loves Disney shows.)
Kara is completely baffled, per usual, thinking comes so hard for her. She offered to hang out with Siobhan but would not buy her records, as if that is something that should be considered a good thing.
Simon called it old fashioned and hated the leaves (butterflies) on her outfit. He tossed the “what a shame” diss at her. (What a tool.)


Michael Lynche with jelly rolls spilling over his jeans and thighs the size of Ryan Seacrest’s entire body continued to emit a full of himself ego-maniac vibe. He’s reminding me more and more of Magilla Gorilla.

He picks “Hero” from my favorite superhero movie, “Spiderman” complete with stupid arm gestures and wearing a guitar, occasionally strumming it. I’d like him to fly right out of there.

Randy thought he held his own, worked it out.
Ellen thought it was great.
Kara said it wasn’t her favorite performance, song unrecognizeable then she made this odd, “booop” sound. Thing is. he sang it just like Nickelback. Kara’s an idiot.
Simon says he’ll be back next week. (as likely they all will be)
Spiderman brought to you by Gorilla productions just because:

I love my Spiderman.

Crystal Bowersox sang “People Get Ready” because she’s really grateful for what’s happening in her life so far. She starts out ‘Bo Bice’ accapella with spot light – then goes gospel with back-up singers and piano. I liked her Hookah/bong-pipe mic stand, nice touch. She is without argument the best of the night, proving Simon’s giddy and planted announcement earlier of Lee, made into a Big Fail. Her tears at the end were brilliant.

Randy said he’s been a fan from day one, gives a standing ovation.
Ellen said she’s more beautiful than ever about four times.
Kara contributed she was glad she put the guitar down and said she just ‘schooled’ all the contestants.
Simon loved the tears. Of course. Called her fantastic, different class from the rest.
Her Dad was in attendance looking not unlike Hunter S. Thompson in oversized sunglasses.

So we had Simon Cowell wearing a big ol’ tool belt all night, the rest of the panel giving their ‘unscripted’ comments. Tim Urban delivered a good performance (for me), Casey James looked gorgeous (to me), Siobhan brought the Disney song, Lee was Dave Matthews, Fat Mike will need a wide-angle lens to capture all of his body and his ego next week and Crystal Bowersox won the show.

Odds are no one goes home tonight as it’s a charity special so all the frantic texting, calling will have been for naught.


American Idol Holds On: Week Ten

March 31, 2010

American Idol top ten performed last night, only nine more weeks until the finale of this not so fabulous season nine. Usher was the mentor for R&B week and he did a good job. Naturally he has an album about to be released, there is always a reason for the mentors’ appearance during the season.

Seacrest goofs about Usher’s constant use of sunglasses in the opening which was slightly entertaining. What is it with the wearing of sunglasses so many celebrities do at inappropriate times making them look ridiculous?

Siobhan Magnus’ lisp came out when she met Usher. Apparently she really was ‘wicked nervous’. Usher was kind to her and remarked she has a ‘true shot’ for becoming an incredible artist. I am not sure what thought processes she underwent in regard to her clothing ensemble but it was as disjointed and odd as her vocal performance. It looked like she was wearing a corset with mummy wrappings with some odd laced up boots. She was quite terrible last night, fell off pitch constantly resorting to overdoing her becoming cliche’ scream singing. To say she was difficult to listen to is an understatement.
Siobhan Magnus, “Through the Fire”

The judges all confirm they think she’s got the vocal capability but she was completely off the mark. Simon deemed she ‘killed it’ but meant it as more of a roadkill type of definition.

Casey James was up next, performing “Hold On, I’m Coming” the Sam & Dave & Blues Brothers hit. Again he used his electric guitar which, considering he’s quite good on it, I can’t fault. The fact I’ve a soft spot for guitar players, a given. He looked absolutely gorgeous and I adore his smile and upbeat vibe. I do think he’d benefit by not constantly smiling through each song.

Vocally, Casey sounded very good but, that said, he sticks to the same formula each week. Eventually he’s needing to come out with something brilliant and wild. If, and I mean IF he does that he’ll secure a top spot on the finale. At this point I could see him as making it to number five, if he comes out wildman, easily number three. Rewatching his performance this morning I am smitten with how very physically attractive this guy really is, pardon my fangurl.
Casey James, “Hold on I’m Coming”

RandytheBoBo loved him, Ellen thought he’s being generic, Kara wants him to show it all (I bet she does) and Simon actually liked him. I know I enjoyed him, how can you not?

You can’t actually fault Casey James for doing the same type of performance every week then praise Big Mike Lynche for doing the very same thing. Lynche performed “Ready for Love” a tune by India.Arie
Michael Lynche “Ready for Love”

The back lighting behind his head was odd and almost scary with his ears glowing red. I have to say too, I absolutely hate it when a performer has a guitar and uses it as a prop rather than actually play it. So why have it on? Presentation… for that I call fraud. It’s why you don’t see the instrument much during the performance because the guy’s not playing it.

Randy says he likes the guitar – placing TheBoBo crown back firmly on his head. Kara did not even know the song displaying her true lack of current musicality, Simon claims he can now take him seriously as an artist. Perhaps the wearing of the guitar as a prop was a good ploy afterall. Me, as you might note, I’m just not a big Big Mike fan.

Didi Benami has a meltdown in practice with Usher. She selected “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted” and made herself cry. I think it’s a combination of singing in front of Usher and the fact she’s a bit of a nut. He advises her to basically cry during the song, but instead Didi made everyone listening to her want to cry instead.
Didi Benami “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted”

I think she’s going to be looking for someone to care enough to keep voting for her to stay on the show. Randy thinks she flatlined, Ellen said she loved her (we know) but ‘boo’ed’ herself a sure sign she hated it too, Kara said Didi overdid it and now has changed and sucks, Simon said listening to her was like swimming in jelly… Score one for Simon, unique descriptor of the night. He proceeds on a tangent to knock down other reality shows in the process of critiquing as well, so give him props in setting up his upcoming “X-Factor” show coming soon to American television.

Teflon Tim Urban was confronted by Ryan Seacrest with his new moniker, “Teflon Tim”, and handled it quite well. He’s also showing some spunk and a decent sense of humor. My fondness for Timmeh has grown tremendously after watching this performance. Tim’s meeting with Usher and his reaction to advice was entertaining and quite funny. Urban selected “Sweet Love” by Anita Baker and made it into a performance worthy of something you’d hear and see delivered by a young David Cassidy. I think Tim’s being misunderstood, considering his 1970’s hair, he’s just trapped in the 2000’s, a true child of a bygone era of teen idols past and the early days of Tiger Beat. One thing that can be said about Teflon Tim’s performance, he did remain in tune for most of the song.
Tim Urban “Sweet Love”

I give Tim props for getting RandytheBobo to sing, Ellen acknowledges that she reads VFTW referring to the drinking games. Kara was pathetically overly emotional, ranting and wavy her arms about; Tim laughed at her and I would have too. Simon gives Teflon Tim the nod for the fact that he’s still on the show and may continue to be on the show for quite some time. Tim’s laughing with Ryan about having his smile lambasted made me love him more, talk about smiling in the face of adversity. May the Teflon be with you Tim.

Andrew Garcia gets a big fail right off the bat selecting girlfriend beater, Chris Brown’s “Forever”. The song has a focus on being on a dance floor and what does Garcia do? Sits on a stool and acousti-fies the tune. The show apparently wants to help him out as he gets box bongo, string instruments, etc. Everything about this guy bugs me. His Wayne Newton pompadour, his same singing voice in every song, his huge goggles. I give him a small amount of credit for his voice not being horrible but he can only sing in one style, one way. He’s a one trick pony.
Andrew Garcia “Forever”

RandytheBoBo loved everything, said Andrew was ‘dope’. I mainly think Andrew is a dope. Ellen and Kara, blah blah blah, something was said about ‘walking on the moon’… (what?) Simon called him boring. Andrew’s Mami rushes the stage wearing a zebra yattering in Spanish this staged as an attempt to display something of interest about Andrew.

Katie Stevens displaying even more evidence of a complete lack of knowing what she’s about selects the Aretha Franklin song, “Chain of Fools”; foolish choice on several levels. First, this song has been done a billion times on this show, second, it’s just a bad fit for her, third she looks a bit awkward in performance. Add to this her ensemble was completely horrible. Let me add, I was so uninterested I kept forgetting she was singing.
Snookie Poof Katie Stevens, “Chain of Fools”

Kara keeps pushing her to be an R&B singer, Randy likens her to Christina Aguilera, (what?) Ellen and Simon think it sounded old. Simon also nails another reality show and calls her performance “Star Search”.

Lee Lon Chaney Dewyze is at his attempted most sincere best with rocking out, ala watered down Nickelback with “Treat Her Like a Lady” a tune by Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose. Granted Lee’s voice is decent but the guy has the sparkle and shine on stage of a scuffed linoleum floor. The David Archuleta ‘Members Only’ jackets need to go, really. He continues to remind me of Lon Chaney in “The Wolfman”. Seems Lee’s got ‘walking pneumonia’. Does no one clean the American Idol quarters? Everyone’s been drastically sick in turns this season.

Everyone loved Lon, I mean, Lee.

Crystal Bowersox left behind her guitar and hippie chick wear and sat piano wearing one of Mariah Carey’s outfits. She sang “Midnight Train to Georgia” tottered about awkwardly in stillettos and basically keeps on winning this show.

What did the judges say? Take a guess. She gives a shout out to Gladys Knight so let’s see when it comes down to finals if she is not paired up during the sing with a real celebrity episode.

Teeny tiny Aaron Kelly misguidedly selected “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers, a song used last season by Kris Allen last season to win the show. He has a complete lack of stage presence. Interestingly out of all the contestants, most have about 5 to 6 vids up on the Youtube. Only found one of Aaron…

RandytheBobo thought it awight with him, Ellen said she thought he was eleven, Kara was vapid, Simon compared him to Lee and called him a cupcake. Indeed.

So, overall I think we may see any of these contestants in the bottom three, Didi Benami, Teflon Tim, Aaron Kelly, Andrew Garcia, and as a potential surprise, Siobhan with her tragically terrible performance.

Who I think should go home, Andrew Garcia but then I don’t always get what I want. After Teflon Tim’s brave performance I do hope he remains to sing another week. Slide, Timmeh, slide…


American Idol Rolled over The Rolling Stones

March 17, 2010

That title was just too easy…

On an American Idol night that turned out pretty much as anticipated once it was revealed song selections were to be made from The Rolling Stones – the iconic tunes were rolled into a new life form by the season nine contestants. I’m not saying better life form, more like some odd oozing thing you might see in a SyFy B movie on Saturday night. I am figuring this season to go down in the history of the show in which none of the songs picked will ever resemble the originals; all will be reworked and in the case of the Stones, rerolled into a package that makes it difficult to decipher what the Hell it was to begin with.

Michael Lynche works “Miss You” into Michael Jackson meets Rolling Stones. He dons a wallet chain and wears either two watches or a bracelet and watch and once again tromps around the stage in what is to be a dancing but looks more like he’s opening for a WWE match-up.

The panel was mixed but Kara wearing some sort of Star Trekkian blouse liked it, Simon not a fan of the Big Mike stomp around dance routine thought he was desperate and corny.

Didi Bedami has a nickname for her mother, “MommyBedami” whom can’t watch her on the show. Didi picked “Play With FiYah” (apparently that’s how she read it..) and sang it pretty much like she sings everything, so no matter what the song is, when Bedami delivers a tune you know what you’re going to hear. Didi does get the orange light treatments and even her mic is lit up orange so it was easy for RandytheBoBo to come up with, “you’re on fire tonight!”. Ellen caught the double syllable treatment of the single syllable word and Kara babbled on for way too long once again saying Didi’s singing was something like dark chocolate. Or something. That’s what I heard, anyway. Simon thought she did a solid….

Tall, blonde and way too pretty Casey James had a back story revealing that, as a baby he’d suffered some bad reaction to a vaccination, so that gives tall, blonde and gorgeous an out for his sometime vacant reactions. Casey comes across as a genuinely sweet and darling guy and I must say I absolutely love him. Or I would at least for one night.

Casey brings the Bob Wills feel to “It’s All Over Now” with a delicious country twang played his guitar, open-chorded, single handed. (Nice hand moves…) James needs start being a bit more lose on stage and not so stiff but he gave that tune a nice throw back vibe and I liked it.

Randy yo, yo’d and loved it, Ellen brought the Lesbian Blonde jokes and liked it – Kara called him a rock star, Simon is urging the guy to get more wild. I’m down with that.

Amarillo girl Lacey Brown stepped into the role of Tammy Wynette with “Ruby Tuesday”, I did not hate it but then perhaps I’m cutting her some slack, she being Texan and all, y’all. I thought her rushed “…stillI’mgonnamissyou” alteration of the song a bit odd. Randy said something, Ellen was moved somehow to declare Lacey’s like standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon. (Yes, odd not a bad descriptor now is it?) Kara, Hell, who knows what she said, then Simon declared Lacey’s over-thinking the songs… Over thinking seems not the right words when it comes to Lacey.

Andrew Garcia gang banger’s folks gave one of the strangest backstories I’ve heard – and seen – in a while. Apparently Pops, who just cannot hold back the tears, ever, (perhaps Garcia should have selected “As Tears Go By”) thought his son had no higher aspirations in life than to be a custodian. Young Andrew had a key collection so Pops equated keys to being a custodian, it seems. Likely if Garcia can’t make a go on this show he may very well live up to Pop’s dreams. Where is his baby Momma and kid anyway? Just saying. Garcia’s mom was really strange, she sat there as if completely taking herself out of the picture, and gave me an odd mental image… Garcia brought the Michael Buble’ to “Gimme Shelter”.

In his story he talks about picking up the guitar from Pops then says that they never had money for a guitar… word to the rest, have your backstory make some sense… Oh wait it is Idol. RandytheBoBo declared his love but called him pitchy anyway, Ellen admitted to knowing nothing, Kara rambled on trying to give a song history lesson, Simon asked Kara if she wanted a tank on stage, the song to literally, to act out the song. Simon is obviously trying to save the guy for the tour.

Katie Stevens wearing one of her Grandmother’s old party dresses sang “Wild Horses” (of course) because, you know, wild horses could not drag her off the stage. Now lack of votes might but I doubt, with the tweenie contingency voting we’ll witness that happen this week. Her delivery felt off the beat, the song was nearly funereal march slow, she gave it the Idol old school treatment – kept lyrics simple and brought the melisma. I found it like something you’d hear at a school talent show.

At this point, The DMan said, “I bet Mick Jagger’s puking right now if he happens to watch this shit.”
The judges are irrelevant to me right now.

Tim Urban’s home video brings a first, showing him as a baby with what looks like barf all over his wee face. He brings the white-boy version of Bob Marley does “Under My Thumb” demonstrating why he is The Vote for the Worst pick. As he plays The DMan says “It’s not all right, you still look like a girl and you fucked up the song”. And that’s why I love HIM.

RandytheBoBo becomes white noise (again) and Ellen boos herself first then boos Timmy calling him a pina colada resort type singer, and Kara calls E a guy. We knew that was coming eventually. Simon understatedly commends Tim for doing something different but does not hesitate to add that it didn’t work.

Siobhan Magnus comes from a huge artsy family whom apparently like to play with construction paper. She sports the big geek glasses in the clip although perhaps she does not really wear glasses in real life. Listening to Siobhan, The DMan commented, “What the fuck are they all on quaaludes tonight?” Siobhan brings sort of this gypsy influence to the song that culminates into a strange, wild screech, harkening back to Adam Lambert.

RandytheBoBo thought she brought The Drama, The Jersey Shores reference from Ellen is oddly refreshing since it was so random, Simon thought it worked, he seemed to like the scream, saying some will like it some will hate it. The D voiced, “I really hated it” . Me, well it was not my favorite of the night.

Lee Dewyze and his Werewolf boy hair was next. Apparently paint now the theme after Siobhan’s song delivery. Apparently in his life before Idol he worked in a paint store, so after a faux question and answer session on paint names and colors that made Lee even more dull than watchin the stuff dry we get to hear Lee do “Beast of Burden” ala Dave Matthews.

Yes that was the equivalent of paint drying via song. It was ok by RandytheBoBo, E because as she’s already admitted, knows nothing, liked it, yet like a hospital gown, it did not come together, Kara celebrated his tremendous growth – so does that mean he was like a potted plant to begin with and now has advanced to paint drying interesting? Good on him, then. Simon, well he wants this one on the tour too.

Paige Miles was next, she’s been sick with laryngitis but the show must go on. Paige’s back story is about how her Pop died when she was a girl and MommaMiles had to raise her and siblings alone. She too, spent much time singing in church. She brings the honky tonk sound to “Honky Tonk Woman”.

RandytheBoBo liked it ‘awright’, Ellen thinks Paige has star quality, Kara hmm, I forget, Simon thought considering she had laryngitis that she did quite well.

Aaron Kelly is from a small town called Sonestown and he was adopted. He countrifies “Angie” because, well Aaron is aiming to be a country artist, I think we viewers all realize that by now. He’s not toss him out horrible although his song entrance was a bit sad.

RandytheBoBo said something about Justin Timberlake, Ellen thinks they have the same hair, Kara thought he connected and called it ‘very great’. Simon thought it would be an absolute disaster, thought it was the right song for him to pick.

Crystal Bowersox’s dad was always supportive of her music and from the sound of his story, he acted pretty much as her roadie. Apparently she’s been playing since she was ten years old, singing and writing her own songs. Daddy got a song written for him which notably touched him, he’s a crier like Garcia’s Pop. She says since ten she knew this is what she should be doing. Crystal may get what she wants, unlike the song she picked, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” and brought a decent performance of Janis Joplin does Idol Crystal is pretty decent and out of everyone tonight, one of my favorites. Thing is, now the show is aiming for a Siobhan vs Crystal show down.

RandytheBoBo was moved to Yo, awright yo, listen I LOVE YOU!!! Ellen said she sings with such ease, born to be onstage, thought Crystal was bringing some personality tonight, told the kids at home to ‘not think’ and Kara thought Crystal had been a bit arrogant, Simon wants to talk about over thinking which gets Crystal babbling about pressure to support her family. Simon tossed the gauntlet down that Siobhan beat her tonight.

Game on, apparently. So who do I think will leave tonight? My choice for bottom three, Katie Stevens, Lacey Brown and Andrew Garcia. Who I think America will select in the B3, Paige Miles, Lacey Brown and Tim Urban.

Who do I think will go home tonight? I’m picking Lacey, but I’d love it if Garcia went. (I must retain the optimism that VFTW will champion Timmeh.)