American Idol 9: So Close and Yet So Far

This week’s American Idol top 16 was a lesson in finding the funny. Seriously, people are we really still thinking this show is all about the music? Let me hit you then with a dose of high reality about this reality show. We can’t even say American Idol has jumped the shark because that would be giving this highly rated karaoke contest some credit for being everything that FOX has wanted it to be, yet it’s not.

Opening the Top 16, Tuesday night we see Ellen Degeneres smoozing up Simon Cowell. Why? To dispell the rumors that started this season that she and Cowell did not get along. Plain and simple. Remember Ellen use to be an actor in a popular evening sitcom so she remembers how to play it Straight… Seriously though, Portia I don’t think you’ve anything to worry about…

Katie Steven the previously thought of Idol favorite once again bombs out on her song. See, people, we can’t go by all the hype coming into this crapfest, it’s all designed to get you to tune in – that or the girl originally came across much better before the show actually started on television. She picks Kelly Clarkson’s hit, “Break Away” and she started way too low and flat and simply floundered pitifully through the rest of the tune. Sadly to top off her dismal vocal performance, she wore a pair of the fugliest pants I’ve ever seen. What were they some sort of camoflage? Seriously, she needed camoflage to fade out of sight after that song. Randy called it karaoke, but that was being way too kind. Simon said she sucked the life out of it. Still he made it clear they still want her on the show. Why? She’s only 17!!!

Siobhan Magnus selected the old classic, “House of Rising Sun”, an old tune I actually like and I like her. She’s so different, odd and rocks originality. She sang it accapella and while it was no Bo Bice “In a Dream” performance it wasn’t terrible. Since the show keeps yanking this season’s contestants’ vids shortly after they hit the Youtube, I’ll put up Bo Bice and his accapella performance instead.
Bo Bice “In a Dream”

Randy gives the best advice this season, “don’t listen to us”. She’s seemingly become the contestant Simon wants to kill off the most, all he can say about her is she’s odd and wierd… I see potential VFTW in her one day.

Lacey Brown did better this week, she performed a song that fit her voice and personality but she’s just not doing much for me at this point. I think she looks much like Nikki McKibben. That’s all I got on Lacey.

Katelyn Epperly tried to make the Earth move with a Carole King tune, she played keyboards. It made absolutely nothing seismic happen in the studio or for us at home. Big bomb for Epperly and is she going for the Howard Stern look? Check it: (Epperly) – the hair and the song a big Mistake.

Didi Benami played her guitar to the Fleetwood Mac song, “Rhiannon”. It was kind of cool, but thing is, Didi sings every song in the same way, identical vocal treatment. Can you imagine listening to that track after track on a CD? The only thing that changes up a Didi Benami performance, the lyrics. My favorite judges’ comment, Ellen’s ‘yes indeedidi’.

I have to pause to comment that Kara must be trying to fill that Paula Abdul void, that or Pauler has some voodoo channeled at Kara and randomly takes over Kara’s body. It’s odd. The hanging next to Simon, her increasingly over the top emotionalism…that wild glazed gleam that shines out from her eyes. Sadly she’s a mere imitation; brought me to the realization that the real Paula does seem to be sorely missing this season.

Anyway, we see the faux crying from Didi, I think at least one tear was shed. I really hate her now. Fraud, fraud, fraud.

I found it ironic Paige Miles picked “Smile” for two reasons, one being Miles and Smile sound similar (yes, I know how first grade of me) and that she nearly wept through the entire song.
Oh look this video still up on Youtube: Paige Miles “Smile”

Randy gives an interesting comment with Paige’s review, “beef, chicken or shrimp” comparing her to a banquet singer. Kara was her bitch face self and well we need not cover them any further.

Crystal Bowersox performed “Give Me One Reason” giving the at-home audience a good reason to pick up their phones and dial. She did a good job. So good in fact, Simon felt the need to get mathematical and rave something about one million billion per cent in the top 12, claiming she’s The One.

Lilly Scott did “I Fall to Pieces” and whereas I did not want to fall into pieces listening to her song delivery (while playing mandolin) she did it interestingly enough. Thing is she continues to remind me of a cross between The Corpse Bride and Cindy Lauper and her songs, like Didi’s all sound alike. Too I think ‘quirky’ a word becoming way overused this season. Someone send the panel a Thesaurus.

Wednesday night opener had Ryan doing some sort of strange pretend military type scene with walking in front of the guys and shouting their names into their faces. Only Alex Lambert seemed to acknowledge the ridiculousness of this and could not stop giggling.

Lee Dewyze picked that horrible song that is being overplayed on the radio, “Firefly” by some band named Owl or something. (Google is your friend.) He was stiff, and sounded pretty terrible on my end. I did get a chuckle out of his seemingly earnest delivery of such a stupid song. I find him dull and lifeless with a complete lack of personality or spark of any kind. I could care less what the judges had to say, did not write it down so can’t recall.

Giggling mullet-boy, Alex Lambert has an interesting voice but please, after Taylor Hicks did Ray LaMontagne’s “Trouble” during his season on the show, Alex should not have gone there. Thin imitation of the song and Hicks still rules it for the show.
Taylor Hicks, “Trouble” (Alex’s version needs not be posted.)

The Vote for the Worst pick, Tim Urban, found a bit more of a voice this week and did the song that helped make Jason Castro so popular on the show, Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”. Tim played acoustic guitar, (which seemed the rage tonight) and delivered his best vocal yet. Best thing about the night so far, Ellen pulled a new judge trick and actually rushed the stage. The look of near fear on Timmy’s face hilarious. Good TV moment.

Gokeycia, aka Andrew Garcia peaked too soon, Kara said. Hell I think he was just a fluke this entire time. Had his best moment in Hollywood week and it’s been down hill ever since. He tried to do to “Genie in a Bottle” (Christina Aguilera) ala the “Straight Up” Paula Abdul tune and failed miserably. It was beyond terrible and I hope he goes home soon or we’ll see his goggled mug on the VFTW banner before this season ends. He continues to show he has no vocal range, tone, melody or personality.

Thank the music gods Casey James left that Jessica Simpson look behind, he came out with messy ponytail, acoustic guitar and did a Keith Urban song, “Think of Me”. I’m not a Keith Urban fan so not familiar with his music but I thought Casey did an excellent job, excellent, especially after what I had endured previously. He still needs to let it go and set himself free on that stage. Man, find that inner wild man spirit, I know it’s in there someplace…

Girly boy Aaron Kelly was up next, looks like he’s trying to grow out those previously over plucked eyebrows. He sticks to his usual country type vibe and does “I’m Already There” by Lonestar. Now regarding Lonestar, all I know is that Hallmark has a Sound card out with one of their songs, saw that at the local Walgreens when birthday card shopping last week. He’s quite terrible.

Good Singing? Yes that’s what was said of Todrick (Fraudrick) Hall’s weak yet theatrical Adam Lambert impersonation during his song choice, “Somebody to Love”. Funny comment from the judges’ panel – he sounds so Broadway. Hello, back in the initial auditions he told them he had done Broadway in that musical Fantasia was in, so no revelation here, they knew what they were getting from the start.

Big Mike, Michael Lynche, styled himself donning a suit ensemble on the top of his torso ending with jeans and sneakers. He was by far the most entertaining of the night.

Michael Lynche definitely showed some range in his vocals, but I’m not sure if that was a good thing. Big Mike went from vocals that sounded like dolphin cries, in “This Woman’s Work” to bellowing out the big low long notes ala Reuben Studdard.

RandyTheBoBo slobbered all over himself, Ellen declared OMG!!! Then we had the beauty that was Kara crying as if she’s in the midst of a hormonal surge combined with too many shots of Tequila. Simon could barely speak with Kara’s watery mess next to him. Now that was entertainment.

My picks for going home, Aaron Kelly, Fraudrick, Paige Miles and Katelyn Epperly.


5 Responses to American Idol 9: So Close and Yet So Far

  1. itsallgrey says:

    What a fucking mess last night was. And I have to agree with you that Paula is sorely missed. Never thought I would be saying that. After the Kara cry fest, it was even more clear that this just might be the last season for this show. Ugh. I don’t think we’ll be missing much.

  2. rosie says:

    I want Andrew, Aaron, Paige and Katie to exit. These guys are the least talented group of any season. Your guy Casey is lacking charisma, and it is almost like he is trying to appear cool and unexcited. If he steps it up he has a chance. I don’t want to see Toderick go quite yet, he has some balls and smarts. Right now it looks like Lilly, Siobhan and Crystal will be in the top 5.

  3. jerseyirish says:

    Spin, Terrific wrap up of a terrible week. The only bright spots for me was Crystal and Siobhan. Crystal is just a natural, Siobhan has a great voice and her being so different makes her interesting. Katie just never had it for this competition, Lacey does remind me of Nikki also looks and style. Lilly never caught my attention. Paige was just hanging by a string and I think it broke this week. I missed part of Didi’s performance they seemed excited, again didn’t get it.

    The boys were basically a disaster this week. Casey was better than last week, so glad he went natural with the hair and lost the fluff. Thought Tim really improved but I love that song and he did pretty good not sure enough to save himself much longer. Alex always looks like he is ready to cry, he is just not comfortable on the stage cringed when he sang, just no matching Taylor’s version of the song. Andrew just doesn’t get it either. Personally don’t like Todrick’s attitude. Didn’t care for Aaron’s this week. Finally just didn’t get all the hoopala over big Mike, song did nothing for me, they were gushing over the performance guess I missed something that time out. Was waiting to see how long it would take Kara to bring on the tears, she is not very good at it. Paula had it down to a science!


  4. Sunny says:

    JI – brilliant man, my thoughts and yours running together, side by side nearly.

    Either America’s not voting, or VFTW has grown is size – surprising me and many other Worsters, Paige went through.

    My fave right now is Siobhan, second Bowersox for her past dedication and Casey ’cause I love him. lol

  5. […] The only thing that changes up a Didi Benami performance, the lyrics . My favorite judges’ comment, Ellen’s ‘yes indeedidi’. I have to pause to comment that Kara must be trying to fill that Paula Abdul void, that or Pauler has some voodoo …. Big Mike went from vocals that sounded like dolphin cries, in “ This Woman’s Work ” to bellowing out the big low long notes ala Reuben Studdard. RandyTheBoBo slobbered all over himself, Ellen declared OMG! … S , M, T, W, T, F, S …Continue Reading […]

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