That title was just too easy…
On an American Idol night that turned out pretty much as anticipated once it was revealed song selections were to be made from The Rolling Stones – the iconic tunes were rolled into a new life form by the season nine contestants. I’m not saying better life form, more like some odd oozing thing you might see in a SyFy B movie on Saturday night. I am figuring this season to go down in the history of the show in which none of the songs picked will ever resemble the originals; all will be reworked and in the case of the Stones, rerolled into a package that makes it difficult to decipher what the Hell it was to begin with.
Michael Lynche works “Miss You” into Michael Jackson meets Rolling Stones. He dons a wallet chain and wears either two watches or a bracelet and watch and once again tromps around the stage in what is to be a dancing but looks more like he’s opening for a WWE match-up.
The panel was mixed but Kara wearing some sort of Star Trekkian blouse liked it, Simon not a fan of the Big Mike stomp around dance routine thought he was desperate and corny.
Didi Bedami has a nickname for her mother, “MommyBedami” whom can’t watch her on the show. Didi picked “Play With FiYah” (apparently that’s how she read it..) and sang it pretty much like she sings everything, so no matter what the song is, when Bedami delivers a tune you know what you’re going to hear. Didi does get the orange light treatments and even her mic is lit up orange so it was easy for RandytheBoBo to come up with, “you’re on fire tonight!”. Ellen caught the double syllable treatment of the single syllable word and Kara babbled on for way too long once again saying Didi’s singing was something like dark chocolate. Or something. That’s what I heard, anyway. Simon thought she did a solid….
Tall, blonde and way too pretty Casey James had a back story revealing that, as a baby he’d suffered some bad reaction to a vaccination, so that gives tall, blonde and gorgeous an out for his sometime vacant reactions. Casey comes across as a genuinely sweet and darling guy and I must say I absolutely love him. Or I would at least for one night.
Casey brings the Bob Wills feel to “It’s All Over Now” with a delicious country twang played his guitar, open-chorded, single handed. (Nice hand moves…) James needs start being a bit more lose on stage and not so stiff but he gave that tune a nice throw back vibe and I liked it.
Randy yo, yo’d and loved it, Ellen brought the Lesbian Blonde jokes and liked it – Kara called him a rock star, Simon is urging the guy to get more wild. I’m down with that.
Amarillo girl Lacey Brown stepped into the role of Tammy Wynette with “Ruby Tuesday”, I did not hate it but then perhaps I’m cutting her some slack, she being Texan and all, y’all. I thought her rushed “…stillI’mgonnamissyou” alteration of the song a bit odd. Randy said something, Ellen was moved somehow to declare Lacey’s like standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon. (Yes, odd not a bad descriptor now is it?) Kara, Hell, who knows what she said, then Simon declared Lacey’s over-thinking the songs… Over thinking seems not the right words when it comes to Lacey.
Andrew Garcia gang banger’s folks gave one of the strangest backstories I’ve heard – and seen – in a while. Apparently Pops, who just cannot hold back the tears, ever, (perhaps Garcia should have selected “As Tears Go By”) thought his son had no higher aspirations in life than to be a custodian. Young Andrew had a key collection so Pops equated keys to being a custodian, it seems. Likely if Garcia can’t make a go on this show he may very well live up to Pop’s dreams. Where is his baby Momma and kid anyway? Just saying. Garcia’s mom was really strange, she sat there as if completely taking herself out of the picture, and gave me an odd mental image… Garcia brought the Michael Buble’ to “Gimme Shelter”.
In his story he talks about picking up the guitar from Pops then says that they never had money for a guitar… word to the rest, have your backstory make some sense… Oh wait it is Idol. RandytheBoBo declared his love but called him pitchy anyway, Ellen admitted to knowing nothing, Kara rambled on trying to give a song history lesson, Simon asked Kara if she wanted a tank on stage, the song to literally, to act out the song. Simon is obviously trying to save the guy for the tour.
Katie Stevens wearing one of her Grandmother’s old party dresses sang “Wild Horses” (of course) because, you know, wild horses could not drag her off the stage. Now lack of votes might but I doubt, with the tweenie contingency voting we’ll witness that happen this week. Her delivery felt off the beat, the song was nearly funereal march slow, she gave it the Idol old school treatment – kept lyrics simple and brought the melisma. I found it like something you’d hear at a school talent show.
At this point, The DMan said, “I bet Mick Jagger’s puking right now if he happens to watch this shit.”
The judges are irrelevant to me right now.
Tim Urban’s home video brings a first, showing him as a baby with what looks like barf all over his wee face. He brings the white-boy version of Bob Marley does “Under My Thumb” demonstrating why he is The Vote for the Worst pick. As he plays The DMan says “It’s not all right, you still look like a girl and you fucked up the song”. And that’s why I love HIM.
RandytheBoBo becomes white noise (again) and Ellen boos herself first then boos Timmy calling him a pina colada resort type singer, and Kara calls E a guy. We knew that was coming eventually. Simon understatedly commends Tim for doing something different but does not hesitate to add that it didn’t work.
Siobhan Magnus comes from a huge artsy family whom apparently like to play with construction paper. She sports the big geek glasses in the clip although perhaps she does not really wear glasses in real life. Listening to Siobhan, The DMan commented, “What the fuck are they all on quaaludes tonight?” Siobhan brings sort of this gypsy influence to the song that culminates into a strange, wild screech, harkening back to Adam Lambert.
RandytheBoBo thought she brought The Drama, The Jersey Shores reference from Ellen is oddly refreshing since it was so random, Simon thought it worked, he seemed to like the scream, saying some will like it some will hate it. The D voiced, “I really hated it” . Me, well it was not my favorite of the night.
Lee Dewyze and his Werewolf boy hair was next. Apparently paint now the theme after Siobhan’s song delivery. Apparently in his life before Idol he worked in a paint store, so after a faux question and answer session on paint names and colors that made Lee even more dull than watchin the stuff dry we get to hear Lee do “Beast of Burden” ala Dave Matthews.
Yes that was the equivalent of paint drying via song. It was ok by RandytheBoBo, E because as she’s already admitted, knows nothing, liked it, yet like a hospital gown, it did not come together, Kara celebrated his tremendous growth – so does that mean he was like a potted plant to begin with and now has advanced to paint drying interesting? Good on him, then. Simon, well he wants this one on the tour too.
Paige Miles was next, she’s been sick with laryngitis but the show must go on. Paige’s back story is about how her Pop died when she was a girl and MommaMiles had to raise her and siblings alone. She too, spent much time singing in church. She brings the honky tonk sound to “Honky Tonk Woman”.
RandytheBoBo liked it ‘awright’, Ellen thinks Paige has star quality, Kara hmm, I forget, Simon thought considering she had laryngitis that she did quite well.
Aaron Kelly is from a small town called Sonestown and he was adopted. He countrifies “Angie” because, well Aaron is aiming to be a country artist, I think we viewers all realize that by now. He’s not toss him out horrible although his song entrance was a bit sad.
RandytheBoBo said something about Justin Timberlake, Ellen thinks they have the same hair, Kara thought he connected and called it ‘very great’. Simon thought it would be an absolute disaster, thought it was the right song for him to pick.
Crystal Bowersox’s dad was always supportive of her music and from the sound of his story, he acted pretty much as her roadie. Apparently she’s been playing since she was ten years old, singing and writing her own songs. Daddy got a song written for him which notably touched him, he’s a crier like Garcia’s Pop. She says since ten she knew this is what she should be doing. Crystal may get what she wants, unlike the song she picked, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” and brought a decent performance of Janis Joplin does Idol Crystal is pretty decent and out of everyone tonight, one of my favorites. Thing is, now the show is aiming for a Siobhan vs Crystal show down.
RandytheBoBo was moved to Yo, awright yo, listen I LOVE YOU!!! Ellen said she sings with such ease, born to be onstage, thought Crystal was bringing some personality tonight, told the kids at home to ‘not think’ and Kara thought Crystal had been a bit arrogant, Simon wants to talk about over thinking which gets Crystal babbling about pressure to support her family. Simon tossed the gauntlet down that Siobhan beat her tonight.
Game on, apparently. So who do I think will leave tonight? My choice for bottom three, Katie Stevens, Lacey Brown and Andrew Garcia. Who I think America will select in the B3, Paige Miles, Lacey Brown and Tim Urban.
Who do I think will go home tonight? I’m picking Lacey, but I’d love it if Garcia went. (I must retain the optimism that VFTW will champion Timmeh.)