Certainly my birthday weekend hit well shy of the previously anticipated bash it was initially planned out to become but it was what it was. Instead of jetting off to party and have a great time in the beautiful state of Alabama I wound up being rather forceably hauled by The DMan to the local torture chamber referred to as a hospital last Friday.
Gone went plans to have a fun weekend of football, (Roll Tide!) and a nice little Taylor Hicks concert in B’Ham at one of the man’s fave stomping (whomping?) grounds. We had our flights set, tickets to the game, the concert and plans to stay with friends’ in T-Town and now this had to happen. Notably I’ve been completely discouraged and depressed about how things turned out.
I’d felt a flare up coming on for the past couple of weeks; the signs all lining up: fatigue, aches and pains, the fever. I’d hoped I would maintain that level; I can deal with the pain and fever but when it hits my lungs/heart I can’t overlook that aspect. My lungs began hurting last week, Tuesday-ish then the heart palpatations hit. Thursday I was cruising on some nice prescription pain medication; hydrocodone Bitartrate with acetaminophen. Really felt rather optimistic it would all work out. I’d just ingest the pain meds and still be able to travel and hit that BAMA game, visit our friends in T-Town and incredibly meet some of my on-line friends at the Workplay, Taylor Hicks concert.
It was to be a first for me to actually try and meet with some of the Hicks’ fans and I was looking forward to it so much. I was attending the show with Sis and our T-Town galpal but sadly none of this was able to be. Our friends sold the tickets easily for the BAMA game and gave the Taylor Hicks concert tickets to a couple of UA students interested in seeing Mr. Hicks for a first time.
It’s still setting badly and sadly for me. This disease, Lupus, is such a bastard. One can never tell when it might swoop in and hit, how long the duration of the flare up might last or how severe the flare up might be. Each time it is different. I get apprehensive to try and schedule anything or plan trips, anything far into the future because so often this black creature of a disease hits me, stopping what I am planning to try and do. The docs think it was stress that triggered it this time. I have been very busy with work, with the band, with planning this trip, my kiddo has had much going on in school; my system just went into revolt. Before I ever had this condition my Mother use to comment all the time how I ‘burnt the candle at both ends’ – I was always full on go, limitless energy, very active. It is hateful to me to not be able to burn that candle like I could before, to have to stop when what I want is to do and to go.
This time when the chest pains hit The DMan was certain I was going down with a heart attack. I knew it was not the case. I was experiencing chest pain along with the lung pain, and with lupus this occurs. The lining of the heart simply oddly becomes inflamed, causes shortness of breath as in a heart attack but it’s not the same thing, although some lupus sufferers even children, have experienced heart attacks and strokes.
It seems people of Asian, Native American, Black, Jewish and Scandinavian descent more prone to auto-immune diseases. I happen to have Native American, Jewish and Scandinavian heritage in my genetic gene pool. I was diagnosed with this disease shortly after my darling 11 year old was born; apparently in people of Scandinavian descent it is common for it to be a later onset regarding our genetic structure and hits between 30 and 40 on the average. Studies continue with how and why this occurs and my daughter is subjected to blood screens annually to track her condition as this auto-immune disease can be hereditary. I pray she never gets it. Lupus Foundation – symptoms Lupus information.
I felt so badly I wasn’t able to even look at the blogs or twitter until this morning. I was sent home from the hospital yesterday as the medication received kicked in rapidly lowering my inflammation. I’ve still got to take heavy doses of the anti-inflammamatory medication but at least I’m not strapped into a bed with IV’s.
There will be other Alabama football games and I’m sure other concerts but I really hate that I had to miss the past weekend. I felt like writing this down this morning as I’ve found it therapeutic, blogging what I’m thinking no matter how asinine or mundane. For a few days this weekend I was quite depressed but that is a big enemy with this condition. I can’t let it get me mentally or it will own me. I can’t be Lupus I’ve got to be me and if I let it take me over I will lose me and then what’s the point?
Kings of Leon – Closer
“She took my heart, I think she took my soul
With the moon I run
Far from the carnage of the fiery sun
Driven by the strangled vein
Showing no mercy I do it again”