I was not expecting anything in the way of actual good listening music and I was right. I was disappointed no one did Disco Duck (I kid). Nobody even wore a John Travolta suit. Maybe the group sing tonight?
Last night opened with Lil Rounds. Her hair gets longer each week. Like one of those Chrissie dolls whose hair keeps rolling out of her head with a twist of a button. Lil pulled a nice little karaoke outing with “I’m Every Woman”. Lil’s sadly missing the point, the show’s evolved – you are never ever to perform the song the way it originally was done. That’s so season four. Randy the Bo-Bo must have gotten worked up over those Lil rounds, he went right into “Party started!” shouting. Kara set Lil up for a lil let down with initially presenting she might actually say something nice. She opened with ‘we’ve been waiting for you to do an artist like this’ then went for the kill complete with bitchface, ‘this just wasn’t worth the wait’. Pauler pointed out Lil had been a lil sick, Simon did not give a care, copycatting his last week comment to her being a… copycat.
Kris Allen did his best Jason Castro impersonation. Tie some dreads on and wallah – you get the picture. Kris Castro-ised, Donna Summers “She Works Hard for Her Money”. Natch the judges wanted to praise him as they’ve planned him to be one of the top four all along. Certainly the American voting public won’t thwart their plans if they play their comments right; transparent as glass. Kara seems stuck on the whole, ‘ready to make a record’ thing. You know I read she’s got her claws into Castro right now. Pauler insulted Carlos Santana saying she heard that in Kris’ song. To that end, Darling Daughter had said, “It sounds like a Mexican song” meaning night at El Chico perhaps. Simon must have been bonused prior to show time, he gave Castro 2.0 good marks. Randy, who the Hell knows what he said. Or cares.
We had a lot of fun with Hokey Gokey last night. He was incredibly funny, made us all laugh even my Darling Daughter – in fact she laughed first. A nice sip of merlot completely left my mouth. Hate to waste good wine. The Hokster picked Earth, Wind and Fire’s “September”. Stuck to the same version as original and was more than a lil karaoke. He skipped about on the stage with an occasional lurching movement (that’s what ended that sip of wine) looking earnest and sincere. Daughter asked if this was some sort of graduation song? How her mind works I have no clue. Oh, wait I do. Kara rambled incoherently about Simon wearing a plaid shirt blah blah, Pauler was by now slipping into the drugs and complimented Hokey’s range. Range? Right. Last night the range went into screech. Simon thankfully brought some real and told Hoke, nope, no star presence, brought notice to the awkward. Finally.
“Hot Stuff” young Allison Iraheta came out bringing her version of disco which of course sounded rock because, well she is this season’s designated rocker. Randy tried to act like Simon but was massive Fail calling this performance ‘over-indulgent’ then reverting back to Bo-Bo shouted out “You’re the best singer in this competition!”. Dawg, What? Anyway, Pauler called her edgy, Simon called her the brilliant Underdog. Go Allison.
Adam gLambert brought the soul to “If I Can’t Have You”, slowing it down, wearing his hot Elvis hair and a shiny lovely suit. He loves that blue lighting – it works, hey if it’s not broke…Love when Pauler’s moved to tears, she gave him a standing O, Randy said he was Major League, (he forgot Adam is not a sports enthusiast) Kara was inspired, Simon went with the Gay joke saying he’d have bet $10K Adam would have picked Donna Summers. He also added Adam’s vocals were immaculate. Spot on, Simon.
Adam Lambert “If I Can’t Have You” sadly this is a still but good sound. Damn show keeps killing off the good vids.
Matt G. aka Justin Timberlake light did “Staying Alive”. I was thinking, dude you need that white suit and the moves to pull this off! He wasn’t bad, Matt has a nice sounding voice, but the best part was the lyrics were really hysterical, “I’m going nowhere, somebody help me!”. Perfect song for Matt. Subliminal cry for help, but will it save him? Randy the Bo-Bo hated the song choice, the subliminals flew right by Bo-Bo. Kara was wetting her pants praising him. Matt, seriously dude, hear the Cougar roar. Pauler yapped about bowling. Simon, hating himself for letting the others talk him into saving Matt hated it.
Anooop! wore a lovely gray suit with pink shirt and striped tie. He also grew some facial hair that made him much more masculine. I suppose that’s what he was going for. He picked a dull and boring song called “Dim the Lights”. I think this song might dim the lights for Anooop! if it wasn’t for his very active and energetic fans. Kara thought it was radio friendly, by the way she was licking her lips her inner cougar wanted to pounce. Pauler’s cougar radar was peaked – Anooop!’s flashing uber white teeth caught her attention. She likes shiny things too I see. Simon brought everyone back from the gleaming charms of this new Anooop! calling him mediocre at best. Translation, Simon is ready for him to go.
Chances are tonight will see Lil and toss up between Anooop! and Matt say goodbye I would completely be surprised if Kris went but not unhappy. Only one Jason Castro should advance to top four and he was last season. Hokey should hit bottom three if there is any form of fair play on this show.
Little Archies’ back tonight. Later.