It’s Guy’s Night: The Bowersox Sick Switch-Up Sucks

It seems American Idol gal contestant, Crystal Bowersox was ill last night so the show – carrying forth their seemingly evil plan to trip up the guys, switch nights. From what I could tell as I valiantly attempted to remain awake, they could have used 24 more hours to work on their acts.

Rather obvious too, it seems likely that who ever it is behind the scenes, giving them all the very worst advice imaginable on song selection. Or perhaps because they are guys, many can’t put a shirt paired with tie together on their own, they’re left dangling in the breeze to slowly strangle themselves on their own mixed-matched selections.

In what looked like perhaps the night might be decent, Michael Lynche takes the stage decked out in a manly monotone colored suit ensemble. Some odd inane banter ensued with Ryan about who can sound the most masculinely effeminate, (I know that sounds so ‘oxymoronish’ of me…) Big Mike had a pedicure, but Ryan Seacrest had a MAN-icure.

To prove Real Men Get Their Nails Done, Big Mike proceeds to bench press a wildly giggling Aaron Kelly whom I imaging rather enjoyed it. Sadly, I could not find a Youtube of this, anyone out there have it, pass it on.

Big Mike goes with a James Brown song, and mind you, I’m going by what the show’s telling me, not in the mood for in depth research right now. He’s wearing a nice dark monochromatic suit but my kiddo feels the need to deride the man, saying as she’s texting one of her eleven year old tweenie pals, “Wow he has such a small head for his big body…” Minutes later she, rolling around on the sofa asks me, “How long is this song? IT is soooo boring”. When Mike finishes the song, he ends it with this sort of squeak and Darling Daughter giggles, “I just texted he sounded like he farted. Did he mean to do that?” She’s a world weary little sixth grader.

RandyTheBoBo of course, fearing Big Mike will come over and start pumping him over his head babbles with positive sounding gibberish.
Ellen, showing more symptoms of being as ADD riddled as I, cracks wise about inventions. Darling Daughter and I look at each other blankly.
Kara with her hair, styled by what seems to have been her three year old nephew, if she has one; it’s pasted back from her face in an odd, quite terrible way, says “I did not get it until tonight!” Then in her best homie affectation with turkey neck action, said something about his ‘owning it’, blahblahblah… how he wasn’t the same guy…
Simon tells Big Mike he went from pussy cat to lion in one week.
Apparently the show helping the man out since he’s moving wifey Chrissy and newly born kid out to the show’s location.

John Parks comes out with his best John Meyer impression singing “Gravity”. Sad song selection for John again and I hate to see him leave, he’s a nice looking man, but boring as all Hell. Apparently he too is in a home-grown band called Purple Haze and the band guys want him to do badly so he will return to them. After his dismal performance, I think they’ll get their wish. I can’t recall what the judges said, it’s irrelevant, he’s out.

Darling adorable hunk of hot blondeness, Casey James confesses to having been raised by neglectful parents who would not let him vegitate in front of the television during his childhood. Seems lightening smacked their house, put out the lone television and Mom and Pops said no more TV for them. Darling Daughter was completely agast at the thought of a house with one television then no television. She said, “was he poor?” I am NOT raising her right at all.

I was rather pleased to hear he’s bought his own house and renovated it. Imagining him wearing only shorts and a carpenter’s belt or no shirt and paint smears… was quite a treat… loved how he called it his ‘tiny ‘lil house’.

Sadly Casey James came out with Jessica Simpson hair again but paired it with an electric guitar matching his blue eyes – surprise – he can play decently giving a smidge lick of Jimi Hendrix into the tune he selected, one that Bo Bice sang way back when on Idol, “I Don’t wanna Be” by Darwin McGraw. James told Ryan “A lot of these peoplel are better than I am” and his goal to make Top Ten. His singing wasn’t horrible but he needs let loose more because he’s coming over too smiley, too Jessica Simpson and while I like my guys ‘stiff’ he’s being stiff in not a good way.

RandyTheBoBo easily picked up on the Jimi Hendrix vibe, liked his guitar playing.
Ellen praised the song, thought he sounded great and loved the guitar. I think she is just drawn to his girly hairdo.
Kara trying to regain her dignity after all these past weeks of slavering over him and obviously hating the ‘cougar’ title gave himsome tough love. It’s obvious she thought she needed to crack that whip.
Simon, went on about something involving sand, dirt and standing out. Mental image, gardener…

Alex Lambert sat with his guitar this week as his safety blanket, he admitted to pre-performance vomiting and that he oddly creates his own language. Likely too he was one of those kids (raises hand) who also had imaginary friends like talking horses to keep him company. He does a John Legend song I’ve never heard, “Everybody Knows” likely everyone knows this tune but me since I’m not big into John Legend.

I have to say Mullet-Vomit-Boy has a nice vocal tone, he exhibits a knack for phrasing and I rather enjoyed the jazzy tone of his delivery.
RandyTheBoBo loved his ‘package’ which amused me.
Ellen referred back to her last week’s banana moment and said someone must have put him in a paper bag to ripen this past week. Nice. Nothing like being continuously compared to fruit while being the only person ever on the show to wear a mullet hairdo. She did say something about Sam Cooke at him as well.
Kara fawned over him, I’m thinking in an attempt to make Casy jealous, praising his voice as being ‘recordable’ and possessing a talent yet clueless about what to do about it. I’m thinking, well here’s her next cougar snack, she’ll gladly take young Alex and mold and shape him …
Simon gets mathematical telling Alex it was a million times better than last week, but Alex needs develop some sort of killer instinct. With Alex’s soft doey eyes it’s hard to imagine the boy entertaining killer instincts of any kind, but then he did create his own language.

What is it this season with some of these guys anyway? Did they go casting this group with height in mind? Several of the guys this season are making wee Ryan Seacrest look quite tall, that or Ryan’s standing on a box.

Perhaps by the fact Ryan looking a bit tall this year, Simon can’t contain himself and they launch into their “I love you, you love me” banter complete with Ry referring to Simon as “sire”. Mental image from that distressing.

Toddrick the Fraudrick Hall up next and he absolutely murders Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got to do With It”. Apparently he’s as clueless as he looks and cannot quite grasp that his approach is one big fat fail. He’s all conflicted about whether to dance, not to dance and to change a tune or not to change a tune. Really who can blame him, the judges have been playing him like a marionette. I can’t feel any pity for him though as I still hate him. I did like his silvery leather looking jacket though. Want it.

Again at this juncture, with this contestant I could care less what the judges had to say. I just want him to leave. Hell Simon’s just as over him as I am and flubs his name calling him, Tondrick.

Jermaine Sellers swishes out singing “What’s Going On” – Marvin Gaye. It’s dirge-like slow, if you were not familiar with the song you wouldn’t know what it was. Darling Daughter commented, “I can’t even understand him…what IS that song?” He’s horrible and likely gone this week. I did find him at least entertaining – in his bio he rocked a green onesie and really who would actually do that and let it shown on television? By the way, the judges all hated it.

Andrew “Gokey” (Garcia) is up next and he’s beyond boring and his vocals getting worse. I paused a moment wondering if he’s asthmatic, out of breath trying to sing while sitting on a stool? Man go work your chubby ass out. He and Alex Lambert have a similar tone but Alex showed tonight, he is actually much better. I don’t care what Andrew Gokey sang or what the judges had to say, he was just abysmal. I want to stomp his goggles.

Aaron Kelly, the next Carrie Underwood want-to-be sings “My Girl” with his country spin. Darling Daughter asked me, “why are the guys getting to sing sooooo long, when is this over?” She looked tortured, I felt like a bad parent having her endure this whole night. The judges were mixed with Simon of course, the only one who made any sense, called it ‘all over the place and backwards’. That is why he gets called ‘sire’ I suppose. I liked Aaron more when Big Mike was using him as a dumbell.

At this point Darling Daughter and I become transfixed with Kara’s witchy hair again and begin speculating on how it got so terrible.

Tim Urban is looking to become the next Sanjaya, he’s just that odd. He disappoints me with his proclamation of being really a Christian musician at heart. Pandering likely to all those God-fearing Churchies who love this show for its wholesome family fun. Too, likely with all the Vote for the Worst photos of him running around in bathing trunks he’s trying to ‘goodie’ up his image. He was bland as last week, but Simon throws the monkey wrench in the mix, joins the Worster side and actually gives the boy praise. Once again we get to see Tim’s shock-face after Simon’s positive review. I think actually Simon has enjoyed the bathing trunk pics as well.

Lee Dewyze is obviously picking the Chris Daughtry slot this year and does “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder. He wasn’t a bad Daughtry wannabe and Darling Daughter commented, “wow that was short” After Lee sidled up to Seacrest, I said, “wow, he is short”. Apparently Dewyze was a bad little boy and is in the process of turning his life around. He was provided heaping amounts of praise from the judges and Simon gave him the green light through to another week, in fact on into the finals, it seems.

Going home Thursday, likely John Parks rejoins Purple Haze and I think Jermaine will waltz on out too.

Dial Idol results for what they’re worth. CLICK
Any typos, too bad, I’m not fixing them. Tonight providing Bowersox emerges from doctor’s care, we should see the girls perform.

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2 Responses to It’s Guy’s Night: The Bowersox Sick Switch-Up Sucks

  1. jerseyirish says:

    Spin, Couldn’t agree with you more. They just didn’t seem prepared enough to pull it off last night. I liked Aaron Kelly he had a solid performance not the best song choice or vocals for that matter, but for me he came across natural. Was really disappointed with Casey also, played a great guitar but it overpowered him and the song, looks like he is worrying more about his fluff and impressing Kara, and she pulled the rug out from under him last night. The rest for me were forgettable, Urban improved over last week as did Lampert. Hall and Sellers to full of themselves trying to make a name instead of just performing the songs. Garcia only shining moment was Hollywood week he has been off since. Lynche did OK not a great performance. Parks nice voice just does not come across well to me. Dewyze coming off as a Daughtry/Cook wanna be not really impressed. They are all trying but no one yet impresses me as having “star power”.

    Hope all is well with Crystal and she can rejoin the competition and continue. Was really surprised to see the show change the performance night for her.

    JI

    • spinshack says:

      I am not K.O.’d with anyone right now but some are certainly entertaining, lol. No in a real way tho –

      That Alex Lambert is oddly interesting…

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