American Idol’s Tuesday night audition show in the Windy City was all blow and no go, so we’ll just jump into Wednesday’s show held in Orlando. Things have to improve in the land of Mickey, right? Seems Ryan, Simon and Randy were feeling the party after glow, arriving in Orlando the morning after having spent an evening in Miami, blowing off a little steam. Likely to make getting over Chicago a little easier.
Wednesday night’s show started out with the now seemingly requisite oddball, a guy obviously thinking, if it works for Lady GaGa surely it will work for him. I’ll refer to him as GaGa Glitter, his outfit complete with a cape and going for that “Poker Face” look, pasted mirrors with a clump of white feathers on the right side of his face.
GaGa Glitter opens his mouth and basically bellows Pat Benatar’s “Heartbreaker” with a voice much lower in register than I’d originally anticipated. Amusingly GaGa Glitter was quite sure he would land in at least the top three once he was allowed to go through. That did not occur but he was complimented on smelling nice and Ryan was kind enough to help him remove his mirrors.
Kristen Chenoweth was the guest judge, at least part of the night, she’s with that rather horrible show that most people seem to love, “Glee”. Her speaking voice is entertaining as she sounds rather like she’s sucked helium, perfect for appearing in the land of Mickey. I really was annoyed with the playing up Kara and Kristen’s “Ooo we’re BFF’s” act. Waste of a bloody five minutes. If you’ve recorded this, not watched it yet, time to fast forward.
Following GaGa Glitter, a parade of delusional crying and begging people began that wound up culminating with Seth Rollins. Now Seth was one of the Sad Story of the night contestants. It seems instead of viewers hearing any real singers so far this audition season, we’re just entreated to zingers and sob stories; the producers are going for the drama gold. What does this say? Producers altering their approach to the television viewers apparently just to up ratings, hell who wants singing when you can actually have tons of crying people shown or even the occasional on-camera arrest.
Anyway, back to Seth, he’s seemingly a nice guy, has his plump wife and two kids shown as his motivation to succeed. Kicker of the story, his son apparently diagnosed with a form of Autism. Sniff. He sings, “Someone to Watch Over Me”. He’s not horrible and Kara and Kristen love him. Kara takes it over the top to gush, “Oh, I just want to keep hearing you.” She then proceeds to take over Randy’s usual line including counting up to a percentage number not really known to man. (Gazillionmillion or something) Rollins exits with the “Fix You” song with wife and autistic son waiting to embrace him (the ‘normal’ child no where to be found) so I start to dislike him.
Disney tune, ‘Wish Upon the Stars’ or something, plays to a montage of crying and begging contestants to remind we viewers that of course, only the truly talented have a chance at Hollywood.
Jermaine Purifoy from TN, is not one of the crying begging fools and actually performs well, he makes it through to Hollywood stating how he’s ready to take risks.
Jermaine Purifoy c/o webemundo
Last contestant of the day a girl who was born with facial nerve damage, she’s attractive and doesn’t sound too bad, performing a Nora Jones tune. Even though she forgets the lyrics they let her through to Hollywood.
Next day brings Blake Lewis 2.0 and we know how that turned out. Beat Boxing is dead people, dead. When are we going to stop trying to bring it back, all that spitting and facial contortions. Stop it. Darling Daughter talking on her phone explained to her friend, “Some guy just did a wierd song by making all kinds of noise.” Pretty much it except he was murdering a Beatles tune, “Come Together”. I’ve no idea why but the judges let him through.
Cornelius Edwards comes in energetically singing and throws himself into the splits. I mean just bam crotch to the floor splits like one of the Kilgore Rangerettes. The show adds sound effects to play up the fact that the guy’s splitting double-stitched seamed denim might not have been the only thing ripping as he landed bolas al piso. Of course they send him through.
Last dude up, a country boy. How do we know this? He’s shown in a tatty straw cowboy hat and in one shot from his ‘home’, emerging from a trailer. Surely this season has shown the most trailer park vignettes than any of the others. You get the impression that at least half the folks trying out came from the local mobile home park. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Anyway, at the tender age of 15, making like Bonnie and Clyde without the Bonnie, young Matt Lawrence strode right into a local Wells Fargo or something – with a BB gun – attempting to rob the place. He wound up spending four birthdays in jail but if he’d been older than 15 at the time he’d have spent a good many more. Being a big fan of Irony, it amused me that he selected Ray LaMontagne’s “Trouble”.
Coming up next week, Katy Perry (I’ve Kissed a Girl) and Avril Levigne (that Sk8ter Boi chick) will be ‘guesting’ in Los Angeles Tuesday, then Wednesday for the Big D show, Neil Patrick Harris and Joe Jonas give it a go. (You’ll get to see Jason Castro’s brother, Michael give it another try – but trust me on this, he doesn’t go far again this season.)
Seems it’s the Prez’s State of the Union address time again also next week; that should fit right into the line up of reality television. Now only if we could have Simon Cowell judge that event it would make it moderately more entertaining.
The best part of the show last night? Why this of course!
There’s Something Wrong with Scooter: