I will have to pass on last night’s evaluations in honor of Dave, you know, Dave, thefunnystone on Vote for the Worst? Yeah, THAT Dave. Here’s why:
“Vanessa Wolfe is one of the best VFTW contestants of the night. Just about everything she says or does is awesome. She likes to jump off bridges because there’s nothing else to do in rural Tennessee. That’s not true. She could be making babies or making sandwiches. She calls herself 100% pure beef when she gets out of the water. Most of the other stuff she says though is unintelligible because her accent is so thick. So I’ll just picture her saying, “I wash myself with a rag on a stick” whenever she mumbles so I Can laugh to myself. When Vanessa sings, she sounds like an off key hick trying to sing a country song. So naturally, I loved her. Kara calls Vanessa authentic. Simon calls her ill prepared but distinct. So basically, the judges are saying she’s a terrible singer but believable as a hick. Well, duh. If you haven’t noticed over the past 2 nights, Idol has abandoned the pretense that they are judging singing and they’re now just giving Hollywood tickets to anyone who is deemed “likeable” and “authentic”. Somehow, Vanessa makes it to Hollywood, but not before she asks the judges if they are cereal. They’re not. But if the judges were cereal:
Randy would be Count Chocula.
Simon would be Cheerios (pip pip).
Kara would be that value store brand cereal you pick up because it’s on sale but then leave in the back of the cabinet after trying it once and realizing how awful it is.”
I completely commiserate with Dave , “What’s the budget on this show, $1? At least when I misspell shit, it’s because I write blogs at midnight while half buzzed on the liquor that got me through the show. What’s your excuse, Idol?”
To read more of Dave’s hiccup inducing hilarity be brave and click this link.
To have your hardened heart softened just a bit, watch Vanessa Wolfe’s video: