A.I. 8: Are We There Yet?

That’s how I felt watching last night. What an interminably long season this has seemed, yet we still have three more to kill vote off before Adam gLambert wins season eight. Even with Ryan’s peppy deliveries, the judges’ overly dramatic (see Kara dioTardi) verbal spewing and Egomaniac Jamie Foxx and his in-your-face coaching the evening, (was it only an hour?) toiled on. Thank all that is good and Science Fiction my Walter and “Fringe” is up next.

Kris Allen had a decent meet and greet session with Jamie Foxx who put on his acting shoes promising Kris they were cutting a record based on “The Way You Look Tonight”. Foxx, who comes from this area of Texas can act, seen it in his movies and we certainly are seeing it here. Plus with his recent verbal diarrhea shot at little Miley Cyrus he is obviously working to increase his public approval ratings. He’s already feeling the side-effect of his actions by Billy Ray’s kid; you know ‘Miley Cyrus can make or achy break you’.

Kris accompanied by a boisterous big band sound came out crooning making the Tweenie fans in the audience scream. I complete don’t understand any of that whole ‘heartthrob’ thing being put on him. Some things I am simply not meant to understand and I’m okay with that.

Randy had to elaborate how his opinion was what he personally thought; considerate since likely a huge majority of avid viewers might need that definition. Bo-Bo claimed it was Kris’ best effort ‘to date’.

Kara waved her arms excitedly praising Kris’ technical standards and impeccable phrasing giving him ‘the Dark Horse’ title, trotting out yet another cliche. The Kentucky Derby runs this weekend by the way – if anyone cares.

Paula cougar roared about his boy-next-door morphing into Sophisticated Gentleman (he was wearing a suit, after all).

Simon brought the real with calling his performance ‘wet’ which I interpreted as “all wet”.

Allison Iraheta pleased me with having her hair two-toned red and black and she wore the most adorable fluffy black and white skirted dress. I think I saw that same dress at White House | Black Market last week. Her “Someone to Watch Over Me” sang ala Patsy Cline, was good but she needed more something-something to carry her further in this competition – especially in light of all the fan fraus and tweenies who will be dialing tonight.

Randy, whom I’ll refer to as Yo-Yo-Yo, babbled something about her age being “mad young”, credible considering she’s just turned 17 apparently this week.

Kara proving she’s reading all her negative press, obviously shooting for some sort of Good Witch of the North thing told Alli all sorts of good crap.

Paula said something misty-eyed like Allison’s delivery was ‘tender and alluring’.

Simon again put the crowd back on planet Earth telling the girl he thought she was in trouble this week. Considering how often she has sat in the bottom three, this season, that didn’t take a man making more money imaginable by being an ass to come up with.

Matt Giraud has also been reading his press and likely seen the caricature up at the VFTW site. I did not think anyone could wear their hats that low and not have them fall completely into their face. Matt’s began his game of hide the mole on his fce and succeeded last night in his endeavor. “My Funny Valentine” his song selection and he worked that song in his best Jazz class styling and pointed out how he pulled a ‘B’ in Jazz class in college. He tried to impart his best tonal and melodic techniques but came out sounding more I-work-in-a-piano bar than anything. VFTW curse may take effect tonight and send him home. I know I want to.

Yo-Yo-Yo called him pitchy, I called him a melismatic mess. (Is that a word?)

Kara, with her mind still on Matt’s ‘charms’ said he was ‘stiff’. Likely the way she prefers to imagine…

Paula gushed how she loved it, felt it and it was excellent. She has a far better imagination than I do.

Simon went South on me and called it the most believable performance of the night.

Perhaps I’m just in a mood but I didn’t like it.

Hokey-Gokey did his time with The Foxx looking almost attractive, the whole partial beard thing, the appearance he just wandered out of bed wasn’t… bad. Ego Foxx was feeling ‘it’ too and was all ‘up in his grill’. Seriously who thought of that term associated with a person’s mouth? The moment was broken, for me when Hokey came out to perform with his trademark goggles and sculpted goatee. He actually sounded much better than he has this entire season last night. That or his initial appearance was still hanging on my hormonal levels. The tune started a little too softly but his build was impressive. I really dug the trombone entry. He ignited the fan kids in the Tard pit into a screaming frenzy. Naturally, he made it was obvious he thought he deserved all that love.
Oh by the way he performed “Come Rain or Come Shine”:

Yo-Yo-Yo yapped hip and faked his way by saying he could hear Hokey being able to actually make an album of standards. Basically calling him Michael Buble’.

Kara fully steamy gave a shout out to his “Rat Pack Swagger”, deemed him most creative in arrangement, blah, blah, blah. Hate her.

Paula heaped on her Pauler-Love calling him ‘stellar’ and heading for the Finish Line.

Simon praised Rickey and the band and actually agreed with Kara (traitor!) that Hokey was swaggering. Here I was thinking it was a singing competition not the Swagger Awards. Stupid me.

Finally, finally, finally saving the best for last, Adam gLambert looking smoking hot in a white satiny suit and black shirt gave the show something to feel good about selecting the tune, “Feeling Good”. Adored his moments with Ego Foxx, so much man hugging – love it when men are all over each other like that. Foxx was amazed that gLambert wasn’t intimidated by him, saying “You don’t care who I am at all!”. Love Adam for that, Ego was needed a reality check.

Adam entered his performance by regally sashaying down that pink lighted staircase as only he could have, all blue lights and sparkle. Full of brazen campy greatness, Adam strutted his stuff and made me wish I were a man. Just for a short while. He was beautiful- I love how he just throws back and lets it wail.

Yo-Yo-Yo admitted he sounded like a broken record, much like his sidekick Kara.

Kara was momentarily stunned which, thankfully, curtailed much of her overly lengthy blathering we’ve come to detest.

Paula beamed how gLambert was like Michael Phelps in the Olympics. Not really, but okay, we’ll take that comment and add nothing more here…

Simon, begging to pop out with more Gay humor, says with the winning sound bite of the evening something to the effect how Adam is theatrical is like cows moo. Or something. The randomness of that comparison: cows mooing and theatrics, wins.

Best thing about Adam, he completely knocked the wrongness of my brief hormonal surge over Hokey looking ‘dirtied up’ out of my system, sang he and everyone else completely off the stage.

Down to four tonight and the Mack Daddy will be on to sing, “Seven Mile Breakdown”. Big Yay all around. I pick Matt to go home, my personal choice.

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