A.I. 8: Top 7 – Movie Tunes That Won’t Move You

Movie Tunes night opens with Ryan Seacrest doing the introductions. Perhaps the show has eliminated the ‘announcer guy’ (unless I just missed him). Tight budgets are everywhere and tonight we see some evidence of those cuts in place even on this show. Change tonight, the judge panel divided up with only two at a time critiques; likely they only have to pay them half this way. (I kid.)

Apparently viewers are getting frustratedthat the Tivo is cutting off that last contestant – in the case of last week, almost a criminal trespass. Also, the great show, “Fringe” is up after Idol and well, we must get to the great and amazing Walter.

I’ve decided to go with a grading system tonight in honor of Movie hit night and will determine how much I enjoy the contestants with Stars, of course. I can’t understand Taratino’s role here other than he’s been a huge fan of this reality show and likely did this for free. From now out, I’ll be referring to him simply as QT.

Sadly none of the songs picked tonight were any that would have appeared in a QT movie. No, we were provided what amounts to a night of smaltzy gooey love ballads and Bryan Adams. With two of the seven selecting Adams the show should just have tossed up their hands and declared a Bryan Adams night.

First singer up, Allison Iraheta. She picks that damn song from the movie where Bruce Willis has to die to save the planet from a plummeting asteroid. (“Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”) It’s the pop ballad Steve Tyler sold out with to support his lifestyle of the rich and tasteless. This isn’t her best performance and I’m being kind by saying that much. She was accompanied by a big string section that tended to over power her; her vocals were too far in her lower register most of the time. Hell it’s a suck song and should not have been selected. I give her props for finding leggings and a belt that completely matched her hair.

Paula and Simon were providing her critique and both loved it. I think Simon said the things he did such as, “..it’s like barbeque, hot and spicy” (guess he’s had some like mine) but pointedly he wanted to take the opportunity to insult Lil Rounds whom he’s outspokenly disappointed in.

I give Allison 2 out of 5 stars.

Anooop! hauls out the tired Bryan Adams song, “Everything I Do (I Do It For You).” QT tells him to basically ‘man up’ the performance as during their initial meet Anooop! was doing his soft spoken usual delivery. He had his Anooop! Troop with him and from the sounds, they’d just had half a kegger before show time. I was wondering why the hell he was wearing a damn baseball type jacket.

Randy and Kara dioTardi were “meh” with Kara passing him a sideways compliment about his Pop and soul delivery, so she sort of liked it more than Randy the Bo-Bo.

I gave him 1 out of 5 stars. Just not likin’ it much Anooop! Dawg.

Initially I had held hope Adam gLambert would have picked “Purple Rain”, unfortunately that song apparently wasn’t in the bin of choices. Seriously, I watched “Purple Rain” at the theatre twice when it came out so to me, that’s blockbuster material. Prince has been on the show too, so it should have been a shoo-in for gLambert. If he’d done that tune, they’d have had to pull up the sidewalks though, no point in even thinking who was going to win this season. End the show now on a high note. But then, that’s not going to happen anyway, in this economic hell there’s more moolah to haul in for FOX in commercial bucks.

Adam was brilliant in how he actually interacts with the band, gets pumped up and involved in his damn song no matter what it is. You can tell the back up singers love him, he at least can put on a show. He ended up with “Born to be Wild”, that Steppenwolf song from the movie of all movies, “Easy Rider”. I have to stop to honor that great cinematic feature. (love me some motorcycles)
“Easy Rider”

Adam hauled a combination of Axl Rose and Robert Plant into the mix and killed that song. In a good way.

video c/o adamlambert3rw2
Paula started waxing philosophical, saying, “…what makes Adam great is that he dares to dance in the path of greatness…bravest contestant ever” I found that interesting since one other musical interest of mine, according to some fans is dancing at the end of a rainbow. Somehow it seems cosmically fitting.

Simon liked it as much as he could but the audience loved it. Mosh pit fans were screaming like their hair was on fire. Wild Fire.

I give gLambert 5 out of 5 stars. Duh.

Matt Giraud shows up looking like the manager of some sort of Magic Time Machine restaurant or an old West gambler. He sits piano and does “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman”. It was just as awful as his outfit. Poor Matt squawked and squeeked, warbled; just tragic. (hit link if you want to listen)

Who cares what Randy and dioTardi had to say, I don’t.
No stars. Zippo.

Hokey Gokey was next, and the dude forgot to wear his goggles likely the reason behind his increased amount of squinting. He hauled a harp along on stage for his rendition of that craptastic Lionel Richie/Diana Ross duet, “Endless Love,” from the equally abysmal and ridiculous Brooke Shields movie of the same name. Now when I say harp, I’m not talking harp as in Taylor Hicks harmonica, no. Hokey brings a harp like you know, the angels play in heaven. Add song title. Yeah, you’re getting it dear reader. (Don’t want folks to forget about his ‘situation’.)

Considering the show is trying to cut corners and get the FOX viewers on time to watch “Fringe” I have no clue why Hokey was allocated stool and QT time on camera. For one, the stool time with Ryan was about a guitar he just bought. You see, the Hoksters not a musician, he just sings, too he’s bored. All that time running around with show things to do and practice yet he’s bored. Hokey’s rendition was uninspiring and bland. Hooray for Simon to point out his lack of originality. QT tries to get him to stop some of those annoying hand gestures but Hoke knows more and just does what he do. It was a sleeper moment for me, but Pauler thought he brought his “magic place”. Whatever and where ever that may be.

2 stars out of 5. He wasn’t as horrible as Matt.

Kris Allen came out with the Academy Award-winning song from “Once”, “Falling Slowly”. Allen had debated using his guitar but opted out. I think he should have but then he did not ask me. It was good, but on a night when so many sang this same type of tune he wasn’t memorable and it was bordering boring. Granted this is a singing based competition but man, I want to be entertained too. Nothing noteworthy or original about it.

Randy the Bo-Bo wasn’t liking it, Kara commented that no one will know this song. Granted it isn’t played in frantic rotation on Clearwater stations but it did win that award thing in front of about 40 million viewers. No matter.

I give Kris 3 out of 5 stars.

Lil Rounds is wearing a Cleopatra wig with wonderful sparkly glitter eye make-up – I dig glittery eyeshadow. Lil picks a big song, “The Rose” from that same named smaltzy movie. She starts off flat, her enunciation horrific. Caught me off guard when she suddenly veered into a gospel number after that weak start, but that was a lil better.

Her vocals hit some jarring breaks, she warbled off tune and ended the song with a rough long note. Lil’s redeeming moment occurred after the song ended and the critique began. Paula said something strange and random granting her ‘that’ look from Simon. Simon then blasted Lil for being lots wrong; not what he had hoped for at all this year for the show. Simon hates being wrong, he had talked her up big time during the auditions as well as during early interview moments, now the ungrateful girl is making him look bad. You know if Simon says you are to be great, you better damn well do it.

It was a deliciously uncomfortable exchange between Lil and the Simon. Obviously she’s had just about enough of this show and his talk and she wasn’t taking it anymore. Likely Lil was aware that VFTW had her back too. How much that will help her I’m not sure and we can’t go by DialIdol this year for anticipatory accuracy in their result findings.

I give her song performance 1 out of 5 stars but I give her after-song moment a 4 out of 5. Give ’em hell, Lil.

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